Weekend Events

So, Friday night with the young chicks (minus the one who stood me up, you know who you are) was great fun. Now that we are thinking about a move, I finally have made some friends with the "real" housewives of Orange County, and I'm not talking about Jeana and Vicki. I sang a couple of fabulous hits of the 70's and drank the young chicks under the table.

Saturday with Ken's boss and his wife was interesting. Yes, they did have some fashion advice. She said slacks were ok if I wore heals. I told her I hadn't worn heals in 20 years and wasn't about to start. I will force myself into a pair of panty hose and will try not to embarrass Ken with stories of Karaoke with the young chicks, but I will have to just be myself. Contrary to popular opinion, even though I am outspoken, I can control myself. I will say nice things, compliment my husband and tell them how proud I am of his accomplishments, tell them I'd follow him to the ends of the earth, all that crap.

Nic and Melissa from Vancouver are meeting us in Reno for the weekend. I am so looking forward to a couple days to just relax and have fun. Spent all my vacation days doing not really fun stuff, so this will be my vacation for the summer. Can't wait.

Jake starts school tomorrow. He is working 8-5 at HemoCue M-W-F, and going to school on T-Th. It really should be a good schedule for him, and he'll earn a few bucks. He's working on a plan, just in case we end up moving. Good luck Jake! You know anyone who wants to rent a lovely 4 bedroom house in MV, with one young adult as a boarder? He's kind of loud, and kind of messy, and kind of stinky, but he's pretty nice, and great with kids.

Gotta get back to work. Talk to ya later!

Here & There

So I was thinking our lives might slow down a little after our hectic summer. Not so much. I sent an e-mail to my boss just today explaining all the time off I'll be needing for school registrations, doctor appointments, and an unscheduled trip to Reno (maybe a move, maybe just a nice weekend.) Our friends the Larsons are going to meet us in Reno for the weekend before Ken's interview on Monday and Tuesday. I am REALLY looking forward to spending time with them. She's one of those people who you can just be yourself around, even if yourself is a little bitchy.

We have a soccer tournament over Labor Day weekend, plus practices 3 times a week. Keeps us hopping. Jake starts school next week, Megan registers next week. School for the younger two start on the 4th. Feel kind of like I missed the whole summer experience. But, the young chicks are taking me for Karaoke again on Friday, so that will be fun. Then on Saturday, Ken and I have dinner with his boss and his wife. They want to give us pointers on the interview process, me more than Ken I am thinking. Hope they don't try to give me fashion advice, I might get nasty. I don't want to be a career killer, but I also have trouble NOT being myself. Should be interesting. I never thought I was that bad, honest but fair. But apparently I can alienate both Ken's family and my own without even trying, so maybe I should be careful with strangers. Maybe.

Mom's hold everything together

Have you ever wondered what the "glue" is that holds families together. Well, after my recent loss, I'd have to say it's MOM. Dad's are great, but the emotional connection of a family (in my case anyway) seems to rest pretty heavily on MOM, and when that is gone, there is a disconnect that is hard to explain. It's like we are all separate pieces, and that one individual was holding us all together as one. Now, we're a bunch of pieces again trying to find our way back together.

It was almost always my MOM who called each week to check in, even when her mind was gone and she thought she was calling my brother, she still called. I am really missing that. When we "kids" would argue with each other, it was MOM that reminded us that no matter what we are always family. Even though my dad values family, it is more often than not, his family, the emotional connection created by his mom that he is valuing. Now, don't go thinking that I am mad at my dad, or that I think he doesn't love and value us. I know that he does, it's just different, that is what I am saying. I'm lonely.

Here is another observation. Mom's understand what we're trying to say, when we're saying other things. Dad's not so much. Let's say we're talking about money or things (which comes up when someone dies and it is usually very complicated.) Dad's seem to think we're talking about money and things. How do you communicate that the money and the things are symbols of unspoken things, the memories, the love, the glue? So, yeah, I don't want one of my siblings to clean Dad's house of all my mom's things, but it's not because of the things. Does that make sense? When one sibling is treated differently, it's not that they are getting the things and the money, but the love and attention that we are all looking for. My mom was always one who valued equality. It's because she understood, it wasn't the money or the things, it was a tangible expression of love, and she loved us all, differently but equally.

Yikes! I'm a MOM and I now have a whole new understanding of what that means. I'm the glue. I guess the secret is to put enough of yourself into your kids and your spouse so that when you're gone, there is still enough "sticky" in them to keep things together. Hope I can do that.

Ken, Jake, Megan, Michael....I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH! (that is me, pouring "sticky" all over you.)

Nothin Much

Nothing much to write about. I LOVE my new Clay Aiken CD. Sometimes you have to treat yourself to something only you know you'll love. However, lots of people know I love him.....I was just quicker at treating myself than they were at thinking of me. If that makes any sense at all.

Had a busy week at work. We like to call it "Honcho Week." About one week a month all the managers from all over the country come into town, and that includes my favorite Swedish boss. So, Yodi has been yust owerwhelmed with work. We spent about 7 hours today in one big meeting, yawn. It is really difficult to take notes when you really want to be taking a nap. But, overall things at work are going pretty smoothly. Our sales are up and turnover seems to have slowed down, so maybe we're on the right track again. I still hear from the old guy (previous boss) every month or two. He was a great guy to work with and I miss him. The Swede is all business, and he says my name wrong. How can you bond with someone who can't say your name (I guess I did it with the kids when they were little....)

I am trying hard to connect with "regular" women here. I am going to dinner with a friend from church. We are getting ready for a Women's retreat next month. That ought to be interesting. No bunks and sleeping bags for the OC girls, we are at a Marriott on the beach somewhere. I do like a lot of the people here, even though I call it Hell. They have been very supportive this last couple of months. I have to look at things more positively.

Good news, I'm sleeping without the aid of medications and the bad dreams seem to have stopped. I just told mom, "Hey, if you want to come to me in my dreams that is great, but leave zombie mom behind. Just come in regular mom attire and say nice things about how much you loved me." Next thing you know, bad dreams are gone. Confront your problems directly and they might get better. That's my advice du jour.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll let you know. We have two beach gatherings planned, and really, I hate the beach. It is either too hot, too cold, too sandy, too windy. But, I am embarrassing my positive self and thinking that we might just have some fun anyway (especially if we pack some margaritas!)

Can't belive no one told me!

I was just surfing....the web....and discovered some shocking news. I am out of commission for a month and no one bothers to tell me.....CLAY AIKEN HAS A NEW CD! Seriously, I thought you were my friends. I immediately ran out and bought the WalMart version (with the bonus track I might add.) Then, I learn that he has "fathered" a child! When did all of this happen?

Michael had/has a soccer tournament this weekend. They had two games today, we lost =( It is the tournament for our club so we also had some "mandatory volunteer hours." Even under the umbrella most of the day I managed to get a little sun burn.

Kids had a blast at houseboats. Look at Jake's blog later (because he is not as up to date as I am) to check out some details and maybe a picture or two. They have Youth Sunday tomorrow where they show the movie of the trip and Jake's band leads worship for the whole church. We are dropping Michael off at his game, then running to church for the other kids, then running back, hoping to catch a few minutes of the game, then no more running, maybe a nap.

Mamma Mia!

Went to the movies last night with a friend from church. It was really cute. A definite, feel good and think less kind of movie. I probably would've enjoyed the play better than the movie, maybe we'll put that on the "To Do" list. If you enjoy a light hearted musical, I would recommend. Pierce Brosnen very brave actor, and not that great a singer. Maybe he should've had a singing double like Audrey Hepburn did in My Fair Lady.

Ken and kids come home tonight, then big soccer tourney this weekend. This tournament is sponsored by our club, so that means we will be watching games and volunteering. I signed Ken up for the hard stuff. I'll fold programs or something easy. Will be good to be around people again. Michael is people, I know, he's just 13, which borders very closely on alien.

I tried the "light" thing, but unfortunately that is not where I am right now, sorry. I started thinking the other day about the almost painful, physical yearning I have had the past 6 months or so to "go home." I think my body, spirit, soul, something knew I needed to spend some quality time with mom. Now I am overwhelmed with "why didn't I just listen to my gut, and go." Having that pull in two directions is really difficult, and inevitably someone will lose. There are all the other issues that come along with the grieving process, and then added family issues, and it just seems so incredibly hard. I think if I just had one thing to deal with I could handle it, but this is just too much. I know (in my head) that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I'm starting to wonder if He is over estimating me.

Enough pouring my heart out. I'll be fine. Time heals....that's what they say right?

Went Light, and No Comments?

So, I know it wasn't hysterical, but I thought the previous post was at least worth an "atta boy" comment for effort.

Ken and the older kids are all gone to houseboats this week. Michael and I are a little lonely. More me than Mike I'm sure. He tries, but he isn't the best company in the world. A lot of fart jokes and "watch this." We did bond over "WipeOut" last night. Even though it was a repeat, we laughed. Uncle Ken, did you watch? Think you could handle the Big Balls....when you were younger? Aunt Kris, did you agree with the Next Food Network Star winner? Megan and I were both disappointed. Funny guy totally should have won.

Jake went on and on about how much fun they were going to have at houseboats. Enough so, that I had to say, well, "Enough." So last night when I was talking to Ken I told him to tell Jake I was having so much fun watching Big Brother that I erased it accidentally. Revenge is so sweet.

Well, I will not post again until a comment appears......maybe.

Feeling Pressure to Lighten Up

So, I've been told my blogs have been a little depressing....sorry, I'm a little depressed. But, I understand my role of "class clown" so I will try to share a funny story so that you'll know I'll be ok.

Today I was watching some stupid Lifetime Movie with Megan, just veggin' when an infomercial came on, with that one guy, you know the OxiClean screamer. I don't know why, but Megan and I are both infomercial fans, so we watched with excitement the latest in houseware technology. It was for this glue like stuff that you can use on clothes. It's not glue, but a stretchable organic substance....something like that. We watched in awe as he "sewed/glued" pockets on pants, hems on a skirt, the upholstery on his car! It was amazing. And yes, it holds up in the wash. Then for some reason I decided I needed to express my amazement at this particular product, but I sometimes forget how loud I can be. Apparently I screamed "Sweet, I need that!" at the top of my lungs. Megan looked at me like I was crazy, Ken came running down the stairs asking what was the matter, the neighbor called and asked if we heard that weird noise (ok, so I made up the last one.)

After our afternoon bonding, we went to one of the local restaurants where I have made friends with one of the waiters. It was his last day, so I wanted to wish him well. He is about 24, and cute as a button. I am trying to set him up with one of the young chicks from work because he's just so cute. I asked to be seated in his area, and the hostess said his section was full. Again, not really considering what I was saying I said, "He wants me." REALLY, think before you open your mouth Jodi. When we got at the table Megan said in her best mom impersonation, "Sweet, I need that!"

To add a little bit of sentimentality to this blog I'll tell you that while we were at Wal-Mart I ran into one of their lovely greeters with a big name tag that said....."JODELL" really! I told her I had never seen anyone before who had my name. Is it a coincidence that I run into someone who has a name that came to my mother in a dream? I think not. Maybe her little way of telling me she still close by.