Mom's hold everything together

Have you ever wondered what the "glue" is that holds families together. Well, after my recent loss, I'd have to say it's MOM. Dad's are great, but the emotional connection of a family (in my case anyway) seems to rest pretty heavily on MOM, and when that is gone, there is a disconnect that is hard to explain. It's like we are all separate pieces, and that one individual was holding us all together as one. Now, we're a bunch of pieces again trying to find our way back together.

It was almost always my MOM who called each week to check in, even when her mind was gone and she thought she was calling my brother, she still called. I am really missing that. When we "kids" would argue with each other, it was MOM that reminded us that no matter what we are always family. Even though my dad values family, it is more often than not, his family, the emotional connection created by his mom that he is valuing. Now, don't go thinking that I am mad at my dad, or that I think he doesn't love and value us. I know that he does, it's just different, that is what I am saying. I'm lonely.

Here is another observation. Mom's understand what we're trying to say, when we're saying other things. Dad's not so much. Let's say we're talking about money or things (which comes up when someone dies and it is usually very complicated.) Dad's seem to think we're talking about money and things. How do you communicate that the money and the things are symbols of unspoken things, the memories, the love, the glue? So, yeah, I don't want one of my siblings to clean Dad's house of all my mom's things, but it's not because of the things. Does that make sense? When one sibling is treated differently, it's not that they are getting the things and the money, but the love and attention that we are all looking for. My mom was always one who valued equality. It's because she understood, it wasn't the money or the things, it was a tangible expression of love, and she loved us all, differently but equally.

Yikes! I'm a MOM and I now have a whole new understanding of what that means. I'm the glue. I guess the secret is to put enough of yourself into your kids and your spouse so that when you're gone, there is still enough "sticky" in them to keep things together. Hope I can do that.

Ken, Jake, Megan, Michael....I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH! (that is me, pouring "sticky" all over you.)