I went to a Women's Retreat with our church this weekend. Even though I ended up feeling pretty crappy, (the beginning stages of a head cold = headache & plugged ears, then the endless draining) I had a great time. I roomed with a couple of lovely ladies who took pity on me, and took care of me. It felt good. The speaker talked about a couple of themes that hit home (don't they always) Fear and Beauty. I discovered that I have a real fear of being alone (complicated by our current place of residence and the loss of my mother.) We talked in my small group about knowing that even when I feel alone I'm not. God is always with me, and He is surrounding me with caring people, I just need to open my eyes and see them. So, I see you Bekah, Danielle, Donna, Debbie, Kim, Karen. And yes, I see you Ken, Jake, Megan and Michael.
Then the next day we talked about Beauty. Again, a sensitive subject with me. What is beauty, and who gets to define it. I have even struggled with God's description of beauty being a quiet and gentle spirit. If you know me, I don't have either of those, so does that mean that God does not see beauty in me? Not sure I have completely wrapped my arms around this subject yet. I know I hide my insecurities under a few pounds and a loud laugh, but is there really something beautiful down in there somewhere? I'll keep looking.
Overall, even with a head cold. It was a relaxing and enlightening weekend. Funny thing, I really didn't want to go. I knew I was getting sick, and I normally really hate being with women. Not all women, but most. I don't feel very feminine ever, and when I'm surrounded by estrogen, I get uncomfortable. I think it goes back to that beauty thing. I had no doubt though when I was asked who the most beautiful person I knew was, Megan is a hands down winner. Not only beautiful on the outside (where it really doesn't matter, but it is TRUE) but on the inside. She told me she missed me and didn't like it when I left her all alone in "man-land." Maybe next time I'll take her.
So, that is my deep, spiritual contribution to my blog. Next time, back to movies and kids who fart a lot.
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2 comments:
Jodi, I think that God had a purpose having us meet. Many of the things you experienced this weekend are issues that I have within my own life. I have(I am)trying to find ways to deal with them and am really having no luck. The more I get to know you the more things that we have in common.
I really sorry to hear that you are sick and I really hope that you feel better soon. I hope that you take a little time for yourself and rest.
Well... you are very brave to attend one of these women retreats I have yet to say yes to going to one so maybe the next time you will inspire me and I will attend.
Thank you for writing this inspirational blog. You never know when you might say something that helps another person.
Thank you now I know that I am not alone.
Jodi,
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but other people do love you and think you're beautiful.
Kris says that she feels the same way you do, but she's wrong, too.
Ken
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