HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Can't wait, my dad will be here this afternoon. Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving. Comment and let me know what you are thankful for.

Someone Felt Left Out

Apparently I neglected to mention that Jake was with us all weekend. It was like having three adults hanging out watching soccer. It was fun sharing time with him. He has turned into a wonderful young man. I'm proud of you Jake.

I have a story to tell you about how much Jake loves kids. I was heading out to lunch one day at the same time Jake was leaving. One of our co-workers was walking up with her grand daughter who is about 3 or 4 I think. Jake looked over and sounded so funny when he said, "Awwwwww." The inflection in his voice went up as he said it, it was just what women do when they see something cute. He stopped and talked to her. It was so cute. I laughed to myself as I got in my car, and when I thought about how gentle and loving he was toward that little girl I thought, "Awwwww."

Soccer, ice packs, & jazz

Michael's team was in a 7 v 7 tournament this weekend in LA (David Beckham fields). We got up early on Saturday and headed up. We ended up watching 9 games of soccer. Since they split Michael's team into two, we watched 3 games with Michael playing, 3 with his other teammates playing, and then 3 in between all the other games. We just packed a cooler and sat on the fields all day. In Mike's last game he went up for header at the same time as one of his teammates (they need to communicate a little better). Good news, Michael can jump very high, and he got his head on the ball. Bad news, the other player got his head on Michael's face. He went down pretty hard. The coach went out and then motioned for us to come out. Never a good sign. Ken went out, I'm such a baby. Apparently Michael's face immediately swelled (swolled, got swollen) so much that his eye could barely open. The medics came and gave him some aspirin and an ice pack. They didn't think we needed a trip to the ER, so we just watched him the rest of the day. The swelling went down within an hour or so (mostly). It must have hurt, because he kept the ice on it for about 4 hours (on and off). This morning, just a little swelling, some red, and the purple beginning. It should be a doozy. After Mike's games we went to Mr. B's to watch Oregon State beat Arizona. I played trivia and ate potato skins while the boys watched the game. It was nice.

Today, up early again, and off to the MLS Cup Championship game. (Superbowl for Pro Soccer) We got there about an hour and a half early to take in all the pre-game festivities. Michael's whole team went, it was fun. Columbus Crew over NY Red Bulls 3-1. We left a little early because we had to rush Michael back to a Jazz band performance at the Mission Viejo Mall. He changed from soccer attire to his little tux, and headed off. They had two performances, we went home and napped for a little while, and then headed to see the second performance. Michael had 3 solos and did great. It was fun to see the many sides of Michael Tucker this weekend. Didn't see any sides of Megan though, I missed her =(

Off to bed. Watching soccer really takes it out of a girl.

A few more minutes of lunch...

Thought I'd write a little during the last part of my lunch break. I appreciate all the e-mails and calls from those concerned about me. I am fine, really. I went to the doctor on Monday and they increased the dosage on my happy pills. I'm a little jittery, but feeling better. Ken and I have talked and I feel like he might have actually heard me this time. We are giving the Tucson move a chance, then, if nothing happens, no more looking. If it does come through, he promises to keep us there for a while. I just need to settle somewhere. If it is here, then so be it. If Tucson, then so be it. But, one of these places needs to become home for me.

Dad is coming for Thanksgiving next week. Can't wait to see him. We are going to San Diego for the weekend for a soccer tournament. We are also planning the Vegas trip in December. So, we have things to look forward to.

I'm reading an interesting book now called "The Shack." I think I recommend it, not done yet, not sure either, it does make you think though. It takes a whole different spin on our relationship with God. If you read it, let me know what you thought.

Back to work. Ugh!

Beach House

A friend from church has a house right on the beach in San Clemente. A group of us went for a girls slumber party last night. What fun. She just graduated culinary school, so we had a great dinner. We had lots of snacks, margaritas, wine, and a great evening to just relax and share. It is so important to me that people really "know" me. Not just kind of know me, but really know me. The connection is vital. It is something I've been missing since we've been here, and the feeling of loneliness has been amplified since my mom's passing. Now that was someone who really knew me, and loved me just the same. Man I miss her! Anyway, the house was so close to the beach that when the tide is high, the waves actually hit the house sometimes. We didn't get that big of waves, but it was crashing on the rocks right in front of the deck. I got splashed anyway. This particular group of women seem to be in the same place as I am (emotionally). It is nice to know I'm not alone. It is nice to be vulnerable in front of people, and not feel like I am being judged. They actually encourage me to be myself. They say they love it when I am "me". Man, I hope that is true. Seems kind of weird though, that I am finally getting connections with some women, and now Ken has decided to kick it into gear and really start pushing for a move. Why does it always happen that way? Probably because we move so much, I just get tired of making the effort to connect, then when I get to the point where I am lonely enough to put myself out there, it's time to move on again. Honestly, I am just about ready to settle somewhere. I'm not even sure I care where. I just want to go somewhere and know that this is where we are going to stay. Then I can go in full force, commit to making the effort to connect, knowing I won't have to do the whole thing all over again in a few years. It is just draining emotionally. Ken doesn't seem to have the need for connection, and if he does, he finds it in his work (which has been constant for the last 20 years.) So, I am full on supporting Tucson (I guess that is the next possibility on the table.) Then, I'm gonna say no more until Michael graduates or even longer. Maybe forever somewhere wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would be bad for Mr. Goal Oriented, Work is My Life, but not so much for me. I can honestly say though, I'd rather it was Tacoma. I'm still terribly disappointed about that one.

Still so sad, not knowing what to do now

Yeah, I'm mad

So, this is going to be a rant. If you aren't in the mood, just skip it. I'm serious, this is a RANT!

Ken told me yesterday that the regional jack a** would not put his name in the pool for the job in Tacoma. Just Monday he was telling me that he thought he had a really good shot. He was talking to this guy and that guy and they were all saying it was a go, now they say "Oh, we think you will be great in Tuscon." Ken decided not to try for 4 other jobs in different regions because these jerks were pulling his chain saying he was a shoe in for Tacoma. They sent him profiles and told him how he matched up perfectly. Bunch of CRAP. Bunch of lying, say what he wants to hear BLEEPERS! He has been promotable for nearly a year! One interview, oh yeah, it did have an Area Director in the same interview pool (like we even had a shot!)

Here's the deal, he doesn't even see it. He is trying to sell me on this "great opportunity in Tuscon." They are just blowing smoke. They held him in Portland for 3 extra years, now here. Why does he think this organization gives a rats a** about furthering his career and moving him forward. Maybe one or two people, but NOT the ONE guy who seems to run the show for the entire western region. You want to know how many different places I have Googled in the last year because he has come home excited about "an opportunity"? Let's see...Fresno, Colorado Springs, Toms River, Columbia, Griffin, someplace in Ohio, someplace in Iowa I can't even remember, Reno, Tacoma, and now I'm supposed to get all excited about this wonderful chance for him to get the career of a lifetime in Tuscon. He didn't even really want those other jobs anyway I guess. They were all bad opportunities, this, yea this will be THE ONE. Why in God's name would someone put up with this crap?


I asked him to look around outside of Scouting and he got mad at me for "telling him what to do with his life." Then, after about four months of nagging, he looked at some newspaper ads (only in Spokane) to appease me. Really, really, REALLY! How many frickin times have I packed up and moved to follow him. How many times have I given up job, home, friends, family? Now, I say, you know I just can't take it here anymore (and that was a year ago), and I get the "it's right around the corner for me" excuse.

We are not partners in life, he lives his life, and I should be grateful to be dragged along I guess. Really makes me feel good let me tell you. I will be drinking tonight, and I don't even care! Maybe I'll say something true. Maybe my dad will buy me a nice little trailer in Spokane and I'll just tell Ken to join me when he sees the light, or I'll join him when that "great opportunity" really comes to fruition, though I won't be holding my breath.

Vegas Anyone?

We (Ken and I and some friends) are planning a trip to Vegas the weekend of Dec. 12th. We will be staying at the Plaza downtown. We'd love to have as many as possible join us. It will be a fun weekend. Not a lot planned. Maybe the men will go golfing, maybe we'll go to Hoover Dam, maybe we'll sit at the $2 tables all day long. You never know. We'll probably take in a show on Saturday night. Maybe we'll find a karaoke bar =)

Let me know if you are interested.

I Need Help

So, I am apparently the "white trash" that Carrie Underwood sings about in her "When He Cheats" song. I love karaoke. Not just a little, I seriously could go every day and sing my little heart out. [Editors Note: The word "sing" is used loosely.] We went to my favorite karaoke bar on Saturday night. We were there from around 9 and closed the place down. Most of you know, that I would rather sleep than do a lot of things. Apparently karaoke wins over sleep for me. Unfortunately for Ken, he is usually dragged along for the ride (more accurately to drive my sorry a** home.) I have found the key to getting the KJ at Pineapple to let me sing. I just give him some song choices and let him help me choose what to sing. If I choose and he doesn't like the choice, I will sing once or twice. Last night, 4 times! We also meet the nicest people (I know, they are all drunk, but they are nice and friendly and I miss friendly, so I choose drunk friendly over sober and unfriendly.)

Michael has his last league soccer game on Saturday. It ended in a tie. Their team ended second from last. The only team they were able to beat is the team who came in last. Not great. They start League Cup next weekend in San Bernardino. Then a 7 v 7 tournament in LA the weekend before Thanksgiving, and a tournament in San Diego the weekend after Thanksgiving. Dad will be here for the San Diego tournament. I am excited to share some time with him. I think he will enjoy watching Michael play. I like watching even if they are losing, so surely he'll like it too. Not sure what else we will do when he is here. I guess I'll cook a turkey or something. (That should be interesting.) Maybe we'll tour San Diego while we're down there, maybe we'll find something to do here. We'll just wait and see. Can't wait to see you daddy!

Still nothing about Ken's chance at an interview....anywhere. He is still hopeful that he will get in the pool for the Tacoma position. Guess we'll just wait. The more I fret about it, the less he will talk with me about it. I guess I'm a nag (again, I think I need help.)

Hope you all have a great week. Nothing too spectacular planned for us, though you know I'll let you know should something come up.