Beach House

A friend from church has a house right on the beach in San Clemente. A group of us went for a girls slumber party last night. What fun. She just graduated culinary school, so we had a great dinner. We had lots of snacks, margaritas, wine, and a great evening to just relax and share. It is so important to me that people really "know" me. Not just kind of know me, but really know me. The connection is vital. It is something I've been missing since we've been here, and the feeling of loneliness has been amplified since my mom's passing. Now that was someone who really knew me, and loved me just the same. Man I miss her! Anyway, the house was so close to the beach that when the tide is high, the waves actually hit the house sometimes. We didn't get that big of waves, but it was crashing on the rocks right in front of the deck. I got splashed anyway. This particular group of women seem to be in the same place as I am (emotionally). It is nice to know I'm not alone. It is nice to be vulnerable in front of people, and not feel like I am being judged. They actually encourage me to be myself. They say they love it when I am "me". Man, I hope that is true. Seems kind of weird though, that I am finally getting connections with some women, and now Ken has decided to kick it into gear and really start pushing for a move. Why does it always happen that way? Probably because we move so much, I just get tired of making the effort to connect, then when I get to the point where I am lonely enough to put myself out there, it's time to move on again. Honestly, I am just about ready to settle somewhere. I'm not even sure I care where. I just want to go somewhere and know that this is where we are going to stay. Then I can go in full force, commit to making the effort to connect, knowing I won't have to do the whole thing all over again in a few years. It is just draining emotionally. Ken doesn't seem to have the need for connection, and if he does, he finds it in his work (which has been constant for the last 20 years.) So, I am full on supporting Tucson (I guess that is the next possibility on the table.) Then, I'm gonna say no more until Michael graduates or even longer. Maybe forever somewhere wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would be bad for Mr. Goal Oriented, Work is My Life, but not so much for me. I can honestly say though, I'd rather it was Tacoma. I'm still terribly disappointed about that one.