Another Mark on the Doorjam of My Life

Remember when you where growing up and your mom and dad would mark your growth on the door jam? Then you'd walk by and think, "I was never that short." Even as adults we have marks on the door jam of our lives that help show us where we were and encourage us with the possibilities of what could be.

We've had several "marks" to our lives the last few months. Jake moved to Flagstaff to finish college. We got him all settled into an apartment with the likelihood that he will never live under our roof again. When we left him in CA, I knew he'd be back. We told him he couldn't afford to live there, but we had to let him try. Now, I'm pretty sure he can make it on his own. I am proud and scared, happy and sad. Now his marks will be on his own door jam. It's weird.

We lost my sister-in-law after a valiant battle with cancer in December. It just feels different than losing a grandparent or a parent. Even though she was quite a bit older than I am, it's still my generation. It makes the inevitable feel so much closer. When we are young we think we'll never die, then as we age, it just looms closer and closer. But, this is an event that makes you sit back and think about those things that are uncomfortable thinking about, and having those conversations that are uncomfortable to have. I remember about 15 years ago my mom called me on the phone, she wanted to tell me all of the plans she had made and what she wanted to happen when she died. I sat through the whole thing and said, "ok" but was thinking it was an odd conversation. Now I am beginning to understand. I'll admit, I am thinking about the possibility of death a lot more the last couple of months.

Here's some good news, a good mark on my door jam. It looks like I finally found a job! I will be working as executive/personal assistant for a couple who are starting a new business called Action Coaching. When the offer first came in, I was a little hesitant to take a position with a start up company in this economy. But, after doing some research on the company and the people I will be working with, I think I am getting in on the ground floor of something that could really grow. I am excited about the possibilities. It will be fun setting up an office. I see lots of potential.

None of these changes are particularly easy. There will be struggles: learning to live without Jake's energy filling our house, watching my brother struggle with a life lived without his sole mate, starting a new position with no real guidelines and unclear expectations. But, I think in a few years when I look back at these moments in my life, I will see how I've grown, just like I did when I walked past the door jam when I was a child.