I am sitting here at my computer, listening to the dogs snore on the sofa behind me, contemplating the meaning of life, and the value of a road trip.
As much as I was dreading nearly 3000 miles in the car, I do have to admit it was peaceful and was definitely needed to prepare me for the emotion of a homecoming without my mother there to greet me. And it was a peaceful respite as I "decompressed" after the difficult and somewhat awkward time with my dad (with his new companion, never present, but ever present at the same time.)
I am reflecting on the patience of my husband who put up with some attacks that weren't really meant for him, but were a needed release. I'm not sure I would stand as a scapegoat for others. But he took it all in, knowing all the time, it was frustration that I didn't really feel secure venting any other way. How lucky am I?
I am reflecting on the maturity of my children. I can't tell you how many times we were asked if we were comfortable leaving them alone for 10 days. I guess there are families with children who don't get along, even to the point of physical violence. But I knew that Jake could and would take control of situations, but wouldn't lash out physically. As I ponder my own immediate family, and the strained relationships, I am hopeful that I am able to create a bond between my children that will withstand the turmoils that face every family.
I am reflecting on the oddity of an extended family that gathers annually to celebrate unity. 96 people with different personalities, different beliefs, but as lame as it sounds, a love that throws a blanket of comfort over me. This is a group of people who accept me just as I am. Oh, don't get me wrong, there is bickering and differences, but we appear to be able to put that aside, at least for a weekend, to celebrate each other and "us" as a family. I love you all!
Well, my mind is tired of reflecting, so I must move on to something a little more productive...but what?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Family Update
So, I am addicted to Facebook, as are most of my kids. I update daily, sometimes more than that. I am thinking everyone is up to date on our lives, and then am reminded that there are those of you out there who do not use Facebook as religiously as I do, or at all (GASP). Thus, the blog update:
Jake and Megan are happily (or I'm happy so they should be) employed. Both are working at Einsteins Bagels, and Jake is also working at Big 5. He starts one class to finish his AA on Friday. Megan is taking 3 mindless classes, and aides another period at the high school, then heads off to her CNA class. It is run by the Community College here in town. She is hysterical about it. Loves to wear the scrubs.
Mike is a freshman and is busy with soccer and church. He will play club soccer through October, then (hopefully) high school soccer, then back to club. He loves his new team and can't wait for games to start. He's thinking they might win some, which is new for us as we didn't win much for the last two years in CA.
I had eye surgery the 18th on my left eye to remove a cataract. No, I'm not 75, that pesky RP sometimes makes them appear earlier than normal. I'm surrounded by grandmas! I had a corrective lens inserted in place of the regular replacement lens. After 1 week I am already seeing better than I did with glasses (out of that eye) and it should only get better. Surgery on right eye is scheduled for 9/22. In the meantime, I am either going without the glasses, or for computer and closer stuff using my old glasses with the left lens removed. I will need reading glasses when it is all finished. I'm not old enough for cataracts, but I am old enough to be presbiotic.
Ken is loving his job and from what I can tell, people here are loving him too. His schedule slowed down a little during the summer but is picking up again. He is headed to Detroit this week.
Next week Ken and I are headed north. It's nice that the kids are old enough I can leave them (with a debit card) and know they'll be fine. We are driving to Spokane to see my dad (and finally meet his new ... not sure what to call her ... friend). We are planning a "cousin karaoke" night which should be great fun. Then we head to Pendelton for the annual Bates family reunion. It should be a doozy this year with 95 confirmed, and this is just one side of my family. I went to the library today and got some books on tape to help pass the time on the drive. It's a long way, but Ken loves a good road trip, and air tickets to Spokane are expensive.
We are still in limbo with the house in CA. The offers have "gone to the investor". Not sure what that means, but am hoping it means we'll be done with this mess pretty soon.
That is our life in a nutshell. (A big nutshell now that I read back through, we'll call it a Brazil nutshell.)
Jake and Megan are happily (or I'm happy so they should be) employed. Both are working at Einsteins Bagels, and Jake is also working at Big 5. He starts one class to finish his AA on Friday. Megan is taking 3 mindless classes, and aides another period at the high school, then heads off to her CNA class. It is run by the Community College here in town. She is hysterical about it. Loves to wear the scrubs.
Mike is a freshman and is busy with soccer and church. He will play club soccer through October, then (hopefully) high school soccer, then back to club. He loves his new team and can't wait for games to start. He's thinking they might win some, which is new for us as we didn't win much for the last two years in CA.
I had eye surgery the 18th on my left eye to remove a cataract. No, I'm not 75, that pesky RP sometimes makes them appear earlier than normal. I'm surrounded by grandmas! I had a corrective lens inserted in place of the regular replacement lens. After 1 week I am already seeing better than I did with glasses (out of that eye) and it should only get better. Surgery on right eye is scheduled for 9/22. In the meantime, I am either going without the glasses, or for computer and closer stuff using my old glasses with the left lens removed. I will need reading glasses when it is all finished. I'm not old enough for cataracts, but I am old enough to be presbiotic.
Ken is loving his job and from what I can tell, people here are loving him too. His schedule slowed down a little during the summer but is picking up again. He is headed to Detroit this week.
Next week Ken and I are headed north. It's nice that the kids are old enough I can leave them (with a debit card) and know they'll be fine. We are driving to Spokane to see my dad (and finally meet his new ... not sure what to call her ... friend). We are planning a "cousin karaoke" night which should be great fun. Then we head to Pendelton for the annual Bates family reunion. It should be a doozy this year with 95 confirmed, and this is just one side of my family. I went to the library today and got some books on tape to help pass the time on the drive. It's a long way, but Ken loves a good road trip, and air tickets to Spokane are expensive.
We are still in limbo with the house in CA. The offers have "gone to the investor". Not sure what that means, but am hoping it means we'll be done with this mess pretty soon.
That is our life in a nutshell. (A big nutshell now that I read back through, we'll call it a Brazil nutshell.)
Friday, August 7, 2009
OK, Let's talk about TV
TV is a much maligned form of entertainment. When you are sitting talking with people, you don't sit and admit to having to replace the bulb on your TV 2 years early because you have it on all of the time. I am sure there are those of you who remember when this particular form of entertainment was new and exciting. Everyone talked about what they watched. We used to have extended family come over every Sunday night to watch Lawrence Welk with us when I was little. (That little tidbit of info goes no farther than this blog, understand?) I remember coming home from school and running to the TV to watch reruns of The Big Valley (Heath was so cute!) There used to be the "water cooler" discussions about every one's favorite shows. So, when did TV become a taboo? When did it become so bad to satisfy your need to just sit and watch every now and again?
So, now, I am forced, well not so much forced, but inclined, to defend my favorite entertainment. Let's look at the sheer volume of what's available. If you can't find something to watch on 200 channels, you need to find something to care about. I think you must be pretty boring if you can't find something to entertain you for a 1/2 hour or so. Just take our family. Ken is all over the Discovery Channel and Fox News (don't judge him.) Jake likes the sports recap shows and Chuck. Megan likes the cooking channel. Michael still enjoys a cartoon or two (as do we all, don't we?) I'll watch just about anything, I'll admit it: Lifetime, VH1, Reality TV, the History Channel, Biography, the Game Show Network, regular networks, even a shopping channel now and again.
Don't get me wrong. I am of the opinion that we need to live our lives in balance. Don't over do anything. The Bible doesn't say "don't be angry", it says "in your anger do not sin." It doesn't say "don't drink wine", it says "don't be drunk with wine." (ok, I fudge on that one sometimes.) It doesn't say "don't watch TV"...well it doesn't really talk about TV, but if it did it would say, "everything in moderation."
My point. Admit it, you watch TV. You have some shows that you don't want to miss. You use the DVR or TiVo or whatever it is you use to record shows when you aren't around to watch.
Hi, I'm Jodi, and I LOVE TV. I watch reality TV, just to make me feel a little better about myself (I tell my kids don't compare yourselves to the least of these, but sometimes it does feel good.) I like the cooking challenges and Ace of Cakes. I like Law & Order, Criminal Minds, Without a Trace, The Family Guy, the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, infomercials about kitchen gadgets (don't know why since I don't cook, but I do). I LOVE TV.
So, now, I am forced, well not so much forced, but inclined, to defend my favorite entertainment. Let's look at the sheer volume of what's available. If you can't find something to watch on 200 channels, you need to find something to care about. I think you must be pretty boring if you can't find something to entertain you for a 1/2 hour or so. Just take our family. Ken is all over the Discovery Channel and Fox News (don't judge him.) Jake likes the sports recap shows and Chuck. Megan likes the cooking channel. Michael still enjoys a cartoon or two (as do we all, don't we?) I'll watch just about anything, I'll admit it: Lifetime, VH1, Reality TV, the History Channel, Biography, the Game Show Network, regular networks, even a shopping channel now and again.
Don't get me wrong. I am of the opinion that we need to live our lives in balance. Don't over do anything. The Bible doesn't say "don't be angry", it says "in your anger do not sin." It doesn't say "don't drink wine", it says "don't be drunk with wine." (ok, I fudge on that one sometimes.) It doesn't say "don't watch TV"...well it doesn't really talk about TV, but if it did it would say, "everything in moderation."
My point. Admit it, you watch TV. You have some shows that you don't want to miss. You use the DVR or TiVo or whatever it is you use to record shows when you aren't around to watch.
Hi, I'm Jodi, and I LOVE TV. I watch reality TV, just to make me feel a little better about myself (I tell my kids don't compare yourselves to the least of these, but sometimes it does feel good.) I like the cooking challenges and Ace of Cakes. I like Law & Order, Criminal Minds, Without a Trace, The Family Guy, the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, infomercials about kitchen gadgets (don't know why since I don't cook, but I do). I LOVE TV.
Friday, July 24, 2009
A New Beginning
So many things are "starting over" at our house, so I thought I'd think (and write) about those.
Jake moved home July 5th. It's not like he was gone that long, but it was different without him around. Now we are starting over. New rules and expectations, new jobs, new friends, new school. He is excited and is really doing great. He has two new jobs (Wendy's and Big 5 Sporting Goods). He is still working with the community college to see what credits transfer and what he needs to complete his AA. He is hoping to get plugged in with the worship band at church. He is jumping in with both feet.
Megan starts her senior year in a few weeks. She is jumping in, or stepping cautiously into her new life as well. She had a great trip to Tennessee to a youth leadership conference with our church. She was still having some trouble connecting with the kids here, but she immediately made some new friends from CT. It was just the confidence booster she needed to push a little with the kids from AZ. By the end of the week she had connected with several of the kids from the youth group here. She took an online college prep course this summer and will be starting a CNA program through the community college this fall.
Michael's new beginnings start the minute we make a change. He doesn't have time to waste being lonely or sad. He has connected great with the new soccer team here. He has several friends from school, the neighborhood and the church. You can't hold a good man down.
And, while my kids are taking the bull by the horns and accepting this new beginning, I have been spending time remembering the past. Last week was my mom's birthday and the anniversary of her passing. I thought about going to Spokane, but honestly, I'm still a little nervous about going "home" and not having her there. To help keep me occupied, I have been hanging out with friends from the past. I went to San Diego with some friends from CA. I am spending the next week with my BFF from WA. I guess I'm not quite ready to embrace this new beginning, but I'm sure it will come...in time.
Jake moved home July 5th. It's not like he was gone that long, but it was different without him around. Now we are starting over. New rules and expectations, new jobs, new friends, new school. He is excited and is really doing great. He has two new jobs (Wendy's and Big 5 Sporting Goods). He is still working with the community college to see what credits transfer and what he needs to complete his AA. He is hoping to get plugged in with the worship band at church. He is jumping in with both feet.
Megan starts her senior year in a few weeks. She is jumping in, or stepping cautiously into her new life as well. She had a great trip to Tennessee to a youth leadership conference with our church. She was still having some trouble connecting with the kids here, but she immediately made some new friends from CT. It was just the confidence booster she needed to push a little with the kids from AZ. By the end of the week she had connected with several of the kids from the youth group here. She took an online college prep course this summer and will be starting a CNA program through the community college this fall.
Michael's new beginnings start the minute we make a change. He doesn't have time to waste being lonely or sad. He has connected great with the new soccer team here. He has several friends from school, the neighborhood and the church. You can't hold a good man down.
And, while my kids are taking the bull by the horns and accepting this new beginning, I have been spending time remembering the past. Last week was my mom's birthday and the anniversary of her passing. I thought about going to Spokane, but honestly, I'm still a little nervous about going "home" and not having her there. To help keep me occupied, I have been hanging out with friends from the past. I went to San Diego with some friends from CA. I am spending the next week with my BFF from WA. I guess I'm not quite ready to embrace this new beginning, but I'm sure it will come...in time.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Catching Up
I haven't posted for a while so I thought I would catch everyone up on our busy life.
We went to CA mid-June so that Megan could spend some time with her friends from school before graduation. We had a good time with friends, spent some time with Jake, and just relaxed. We got home Sunday night and got a call from Jake. Apparently his landlord had decided that she didn't really want a roommate after all. Really, she knew we were there for the weekend, but decided to wait until the Sunday evening to ask him to leave. WHATEVER...
So, July 4th weekend, Ken and I went back to CA to load Jake's things into a rented van and move him home. He had actually found another place to live that would still be within his budget, but he decided it was time to focus on school. We are proud of this decision. He is home now, looking for work, and planning on taking a class or two at the local community college with plans for a 4 year university either starting in January or next fall.
Megan is still struggling to find friends (as am I). She had a group of drama kids from CA come and spend a few days with us last week. It really was nice to see her living and enjoying life again. She is also looking for work (not very hard). She started an online anatomy & physiology class this summer to prepare her for the college CNA course she will start in the fall. It is one of those programs where she gets high school and college credit...and it is FREE. She left today for a week long trip with the youth group at church. She still hasn't made any connections there, so I'm a little worried about her.
Michael has friends all over the neighborhood. He is at some one's house, or they are here, most of the day. He started practicing with the soccer club this week as well. They have a camp that runs every week night to get the kids ready for the season. I think regular practices start in August. It is a little weird thinking that he will be in high school next year. Everyone grows up, except me.
I am doing a bunch of nothing. Not really finding any work that pays much more than my unemployment, so I'm not looking very hard. I am doctoring for my eyes trying to see a little better. Not sure when that will get better. I am going to San Diego with some friends from CA to see "Idols on Tour". After that, I fly to Portland to see friends. Melissa will come home with me, so we'll have about a week together total.
We are enjoying our pool. Ken loves his job and we are making a few friends there. I am enjoying the start of monsoon season. So far, we have just gotten the edge of the storms, so they are fun to watch. I imagine when we are in the middle of a big one, it won't be quite as much fun.
Ken and I are planning a short cruise in September with some friends from work. We'd love to get a whole group together, so if your interested let me know and I'll send the detail. It is nice having kids that are old enough to just leave for a couple of days.
We went to CA mid-June so that Megan could spend some time with her friends from school before graduation. We had a good time with friends, spent some time with Jake, and just relaxed. We got home Sunday night and got a call from Jake. Apparently his landlord had decided that she didn't really want a roommate after all. Really, she knew we were there for the weekend, but decided to wait until the Sunday evening to ask him to leave. WHATEVER...
So, July 4th weekend, Ken and I went back to CA to load Jake's things into a rented van and move him home. He had actually found another place to live that would still be within his budget, but he decided it was time to focus on school. We are proud of this decision. He is home now, looking for work, and planning on taking a class or two at the local community college with plans for a 4 year university either starting in January or next fall.
Megan is still struggling to find friends (as am I). She had a group of drama kids from CA come and spend a few days with us last week. It really was nice to see her living and enjoying life again. She is also looking for work (not very hard). She started an online anatomy & physiology class this summer to prepare her for the college CNA course she will start in the fall. It is one of those programs where she gets high school and college credit...and it is FREE. She left today for a week long trip with the youth group at church. She still hasn't made any connections there, so I'm a little worried about her.
Michael has friends all over the neighborhood. He is at some one's house, or they are here, most of the day. He started practicing with the soccer club this week as well. They have a camp that runs every week night to get the kids ready for the season. I think regular practices start in August. It is a little weird thinking that he will be in high school next year. Everyone grows up, except me.
I am doing a bunch of nothing. Not really finding any work that pays much more than my unemployment, so I'm not looking very hard. I am doctoring for my eyes trying to see a little better. Not sure when that will get better. I am going to San Diego with some friends from CA to see "Idols on Tour". After that, I fly to Portland to see friends. Melissa will come home with me, so we'll have about a week together total.
We are enjoying our pool. Ken loves his job and we are making a few friends there. I am enjoying the start of monsoon season. So far, we have just gotten the edge of the storms, so they are fun to watch. I imagine when we are in the middle of a big one, it won't be quite as much fun.
Ken and I are planning a short cruise in September with some friends from work. We'd love to get a whole group together, so if your interested let me know and I'll send the detail. It is nice having kids that are old enough to just leave for a couple of days.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A few thoughts on Friendship
As you may have noticed from my Facebook status, Megan and I have been contemplating the difference between male and female friendships. As much as we scream for equality, we are fundamentally different on many levels, and this appears to be one of them. I will speak in generalities, knowing that there is always an exception. But, this is what we/I have noticed.
Women need friends, yet it appears much easier for a man to make a friend. I think it is because our definitions of friendship are so different. If a guy says to another, "hey you wanna go shoot some hoops?" they are friends. A woman on the other hand, can go shopping with you, be in your book club or Bible study, work in PTA with you, live on your block...but that doesn't make her your friend. We (I) need a bond that is a little closer than shared experiences. We like to share experiences, but then, we want to know what you thought, even felt, about those experiences. We want to know about your past, what's happening right now and your hopes and dreams for the future. We want to know why you liked or didn't like something. Two guys "friends" can come out of a movie and say "That was great." Two women "friends" need to go to coffee (or better yet dessert) to discuss the plot, the characters, and whether or not the movie was able to move us on an emotional level or make us think deeper or differently about an issue.
So, now to my dilemma (shared with Megan at this point in time). Making the kind of friends who you can trust with more than just shared experiences is hard! I can say from way too much experience, it takes about 2-3 years for women to cultivate friendships. When you move once you have finally made these connections, it really sucks! And, it kind of makes it harder to want to do the work required, take the risks required, put in the time needed, to find a new friend. The only time I have found an exception to this is when I made friends with anothe woman who moved around every 2-4 years just like us, we didn't have time to waste and we both knew it.
Here's another kicker. Because we want, even need these deeper relationships, we tend to surround ourselves with "our" people, blocking out opportunities for new relationships. Why bother putting in the effort with new gal over there, when we have one or two dear, trusted friends already? We don't need a gaggle of friends, just one or two. Too many tend to pull us in too many directions, spread us too thin. Once we have enough, we stop looking, making it all the harder for the new gal to break in, earn your trust and friendship. We will share some of the peripheral experiences with this new gal, but we won't put in the effort to get to know her. To follow my previous example, she can go to the movie with us, but she is not invited to dessert afterward.
But, meanwhile, the guys are going to work with people, playing soccer, skateboarding...making friends. Try talking to one of them (men) about feeling lonely. They just don't get it.
Since we've been here I have volunteered to help with church activities (VBS, youth group fundraising), walked around during the neighborhood garage sale introducing myself, joined a book club, attended church nearly every Sunday. I even hosted a meeting and a youth function at the house. So far...no one wants me to move to the next level, so I am stuck eating dessert alone.
Women need friends, yet it appears much easier for a man to make a friend. I think it is because our definitions of friendship are so different. If a guy says to another, "hey you wanna go shoot some hoops?" they are friends. A woman on the other hand, can go shopping with you, be in your book club or Bible study, work in PTA with you, live on your block...but that doesn't make her your friend. We (I) need a bond that is a little closer than shared experiences. We like to share experiences, but then, we want to know what you thought, even felt, about those experiences. We want to know about your past, what's happening right now and your hopes and dreams for the future. We want to know why you liked or didn't like something. Two guys "friends" can come out of a movie and say "That was great." Two women "friends" need to go to coffee (or better yet dessert) to discuss the plot, the characters, and whether or not the movie was able to move us on an emotional level or make us think deeper or differently about an issue.
So, now to my dilemma (shared with Megan at this point in time). Making the kind of friends who you can trust with more than just shared experiences is hard! I can say from way too much experience, it takes about 2-3 years for women to cultivate friendships. When you move once you have finally made these connections, it really sucks! And, it kind of makes it harder to want to do the work required, take the risks required, put in the time needed, to find a new friend. The only time I have found an exception to this is when I made friends with anothe woman who moved around every 2-4 years just like us, we didn't have time to waste and we both knew it.
Here's another kicker. Because we want, even need these deeper relationships, we tend to surround ourselves with "our" people, blocking out opportunities for new relationships. Why bother putting in the effort with new gal over there, when we have one or two dear, trusted friends already? We don't need a gaggle of friends, just one or two. Too many tend to pull us in too many directions, spread us too thin. Once we have enough, we stop looking, making it all the harder for the new gal to break in, earn your trust and friendship. We will share some of the peripheral experiences with this new gal, but we won't put in the effort to get to know her. To follow my previous example, she can go to the movie with us, but she is not invited to dessert afterward.
But, meanwhile, the guys are going to work with people, playing soccer, skateboarding...making friends. Try talking to one of them (men) about feeling lonely. They just don't get it.
Since we've been here I have volunteered to help with church activities (VBS, youth group fundraising), walked around during the neighborhood garage sale introducing myself, joined a book club, attended church nearly every Sunday. I even hosted a meeting and a youth function at the house. So far...no one wants me to move to the next level, so I am stuck eating dessert alone.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Good News/Bad News
Two posts in a week, life must be picking up a little...
So,
Bad News: Megan had to have her wisdom teeth pulled
Good News: She's doing fine, and she totally cracked her mom up on the way home from the doctor.
Bad News: Looks like I have to have cataract (sp?) surgery. I don't feel that old, but apparently it is part of the RP eye disease thing.
Good News: They can put in corrective lenses when they do the surgery so I won't have to wear glasses anymore, except maybe to read. I guess I am that old.
Bad News: We are getting foreclosure notices on the house in CA
Good News: We are in the final stages of a short sale and could be done with this in about 30 days!
Bad News: Ken had to fire someone this week. It is hard for him, especially in this economy.
Good News: Got rid of some dead weight, maybe they can pick things up and make their membership and FOS goals.
Bad News: We got Megan's proofs back from the photographer and we can't choose!
Good News: She is so beautiful!
Bad News: Jodi usually sees the bad news in life.
Good News: I'm working on that problem.
So,
Bad News: Megan had to have her wisdom teeth pulled
Good News: She's doing fine, and she totally cracked her mom up on the way home from the doctor.
Bad News: Looks like I have to have cataract (sp?) surgery. I don't feel that old, but apparently it is part of the RP eye disease thing.
Good News: They can put in corrective lenses when they do the surgery so I won't have to wear glasses anymore, except maybe to read. I guess I am that old.
Bad News: We are getting foreclosure notices on the house in CA
Good News: We are in the final stages of a short sale and could be done with this in about 30 days!
Bad News: Ken had to fire someone this week. It is hard for him, especially in this economy.
Good News: Got rid of some dead weight, maybe they can pick things up and make their membership and FOS goals.
Bad News: We got Megan's proofs back from the photographer and we can't choose!
Good News: She is so beautiful!
Bad News: Jodi usually sees the bad news in life.
Good News: I'm working on that problem.
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