The Final Christmas Experience

Today was the last of our Christmas "experiences." Michael found a place in Anaheim that has full scale flight simulators. You actually get inside the cockpit (simulated cockpit) of a fighter jet and fly combat missions. It was surprisingly fun!

First they suit you up in a flight suit. I've got to say, not the best look for the "heavy in the mid-section" part of our clan. But it was fun. Everyone talks military (sir, yes sir!) I was the Lieutenant Commander, but of course. Then it is off to the "briefing room" for combat orders. Here they explain how the simulator works and what to expect. Then they take us to our "planes". You really have to climb up and get into something that closely resembles the cockpit of a plane. The first thing they teach you is how to raise the canopy in case you have a claustrophobic moment. Good to know, but luckily wasn't needed.

Once everyone is strapped in, we taxi to the runway and take off. We are in full control of the plane. We can crash it if we do something terribly wrong. After about ten minutes of practice flying, we start the dogfight. Amazing! We could all communicate with each other and to the "ground control". I will admit I had to have "ground control" talk me through my first hit. I couldn't figure it out. But eventually I was a natural. We totally lost track of time. It was just our family and another couple. Really, did I say it was fun, because it really was. When someone hit you, you went into a spin and headed to the ground. But then we were back in the air, didn't have to take off again, you just appear in the thick of things. After about 45 minutes of dog fights, we got to land three times. Daylight, Night, and Aircraft carrier. It was hard.

So, the end tally

Jake, 8 kills, 14 deaths - total score of 4

Ken, 19 kills, 17 deaths - total score of 17

Michael, 15 kills, 23 deaths - total score of 14

Megan, 14 kills, 8 deaths - total score of 14

Jodi, 15 kills, 16 deaths. - total score of 15

Experience #4

This tale is second hand, as there was no way, even here in hell, I was going to go along. Ken and the kids went skiing/snowboarding.

The adventure starts with a mad rush for hats and gloves. Remember, these items are not needed often here in hell, so it was a little difficult. I'm not even sure we were able to round up 4 good pair. Jake was so excited. He had bought a snowboard and boots from a friend. He was bragging all week about how good he was, and how he would show Michael what to do. So, anyone who knows Michael knows the end of this story, but I'll save it for later. Ken was waffling on whether or not he would try anything. Friends at work told him, if he wanted to try anything, it should be skiing. When they left early (and I mean early) Friday morning, he still wasn't sure what he was going to do. I texted him around 11:30 and got no reply so I figured he decided to try some sort of activity.

Ken spent the morning in the "learn to ski" class. He took the adult class as he didn't want to be totally embarrassed. He said about half the class quit before the lessons were even over. He, however, "tore up the bunny slopes!" He was walking a little gingerly when they got back home. I'm pretty sure 3 hours of driving isn't the best medicine for sore muscles.

So back to Jake, the snowboard instructor. Now remember, Jake has only been snowboarding twice before at church weekend camp outs. He took Michael out to teach him some moves. He was so mad when he got home. Michael was already better than Jake. Mike was still cautious and didn't dare the black diamond and didn't take any jumps (both of which almost killed Jake because he is not quite so cautious.) So, Jake can still say he "landed a jump." But in reality, Michael is a natural athlete and will probably always pick up things quicker than anyone else.

Megan, also cautious, spent the day going back and forth with Michael & Jake and then checking up on her ole dad. She told a funny story about coming to watch Ken. He saw her and waved as he was heading to the chairlift. He stopped and waved as he inched up in line. He stopped and waved again before he got on, then one last wave as he was heading up the hill. She tells the story much better than I did. She thought it was cute, kind of like the little kid in the Christmas musical making sure his family sees him in all his glory.

Everyone was exhausted when they got home, and we all went to bed pretty early. I spent the day packing and watching all the Lifetime/Hallmark Christmas movies I had recorded.

Today, Experience #5.

SPOILER ALERT!

Do not read this blog if you are at all interested in the movie "Marley and Me." Really, I am going to share the whole movie including the ending.

We had a small Christmas celebration with the kids. Ken made egg casserole, we opened presents, played some games, watched a Christmas movie on TV, then we decided we would go to the movie. Jake picked Marley and Me. It was between that, the new Adam Sandler movie or 4 Christmas's. I was shocked at the number of people at the movies today. We had to stand in line, and the theater was full. Everything started out good enough. Cute Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson (who seriously needs some work done on his nose.) They fall in love get married and decide to practice on a dog before they have kids. The movie follows the story of this couple and their relationship with their dog. The first hour, hour and a half were hysterical. It was kind of parallel to what Ken and I went through, with the dog, the career, the kids, the struggles of married life. They even had a colicky baby (love ya Megan, but seriously, you almost did us in.)

Then, Owen Wilson's character starts to struggle with turning 40 and he talks to the dog about getting grey around the temples. That's when it hit me. I knew then I should have left the theater, but it was so crowded, and we were in the middle. As the story progresses and the dog ages, I start to get a little weepy eyed. Then, as the two sit and talk about what a good dog he'd been (well obviously only the human talks, but you know what I mean) I have to hold in sobs. The teary eyes began to flow. My nose started running like a faucet. It was an ugly cry and I knew it. I also knew that I had to walk out of that theater into the daylight, and the crowds waiting for the next showing. I am pretty sure my face told the story. I was a mess, I'm still a mess. I came home, hugged the dogs. The kids laughed at me, Ken said he had heard that the dog died (why he didn't tell me I'll never know.) So, if you love dogs like I do. Rent the movie, watch until they move to Philadelphia, then turn it off. That's all I'm saying. I have to go blow my nose. Merry Christmas....

Experience #3

WICKED!
We took the kids to the LA performance of "Wicked." It was spectacular! We got great seats, 1/2 way back in the orchestra section, center stage. Megan has been looking forward to this for weeks. She was not disappointed. The actors were amazing, the sets were amazing, the music was more than amazing. The only real well known star was Carol Kane (who played Latva's girlfriend on Taxi, and was in The Princess Bride.) The boys were awed by the orchestra, Megan sat dreamy eyed, wishing she was the star (I think she'd make a marvelous GA Linda.) We can safely say that this is a definite Thumbs Up from the entire Tucker family.

We spent today, getting boxes and starting the process of packing the garage to make room for the crap that needs to come out of the house to make it "showable." We have talked with a Rental Management Firm and a Realtor. It pretty much looks like we need to rent (if we sell, we'll probably owe money at the end of the whole process.) We'll spend the next few days doing more research, talking with finance companies, and making final decisions about how to proceed.

We are going to Christmas dinner at one of our friends (I know I keep saying we don't have any here, but in reality we do.) Then Friday and Saturday are Experiences #4 & #5. Then Monday, back to work.

For those of you wondering what happened to your Christmas card from the Tuckers, I didn't mail them. I think I will just hold off and send a New Year letter when we get new contact information. But know that we are thinking of all of you and wishing you a Very Merry Christmas!

Experience #2

So, if you work at that place I work, I ask you to keep this blog to yourself, I'm sure I can trust you, right?

Thursday I flew to Tucson to meet Ken who began the interview process for the Scout Executive position in Tucson. It really is a grueling process. I'm not sure other jobs make people go through this much torture. The region and the local selection committee select three fairly equally qualified candidates. The candidates and spouses meet with the selection committee for a reception on Thursday, and then they break into groups and go to dinner. Then on Friday the candidates interview in a round robin format. He went through three sessions, about 3 hours total, then they have 10 minutes to summarize in front of the entire group. Then you go back to your hotel room and wait.

Here are some of the unexpected details. First off, whoever booked my flight was either an idiot, or had never traveled before and had flunked geography. They booked me to Tucson through Salt Lake City. If you watch the news, you realize this was a problem. I think I ran a marathon through the SLC airport trying to get a plane to Tucson after I missed my connection. Finally got a plane to Phoenix, and rented a car. Bad part, I landed in Phoenix at 5, took me over an hour to get out of town because of traffic. So, instead of meeting everyone for a lovely reception at 6, I was driving. I ended up joining Ken and a group of the selection committee at a very nice restaurant. We met in the private dining room in the wine cellar (yes, I was still in my sweats.)

Friday while Ken was getting grilled for three hours, one of the wives took me and the other candidate's wife on a tour of the city. It was all very interesting. Tucson is not like anyplace we've ever lived before. No tall buildings, very spread out, rustic, "small town", no grass, lots of cactus. So, after Ken finished we headed to our room to wait. We were told they would probably be done around 1 or 1:15.

The typical procedure is, if you get the job they call you to come down and sign papers, if you don't, then you get a knock on the door. We've been through this process twice before, and got the knock. So, 1 came and went, 1:15 came and went, I was getting mad at these people who could not see what a wonderful leader Ken would make. Then, the knock on the door. I was livid, I threw down the newspaper I was reading. It was housekeeping, REALLY, that was cruel. I had already started texting one of my friends lambasting the whole organization. Not long after that, the phone rang.

So, Ken is now the new Scout Executive in the Catalina Council Boy Scouts of America. He starts work on Feb. 1. We have lots to do in the meantime. Decisions to make regarding the house (sell or rent). Jake is trying to decide what to do, stay or go. If we decide to sell, the kids and I will stay until the house sells, if we rent, then we'll move closer to the first part of February.

So, excitement, a little bit of anxiety, lots to do. That is what the next couple of months look like for us. Tomorrow is Experience #3. I will make you wait to see what that is.

The hazards of wearing a fuzzy sweater

So Ken bought me this great pink fluffy sweater as part of my 12 days of Christmas (yes, he does spoil me.) I wore it to work yesterday, since it was cold and rainy. Unfortunately, I wore it with black cords. I had pink fuzz all over my pants all day long. I used about a roll of tape trying to clean off my pants, but I couldn't reach my butt, which was apparently covered in pink fuzz. Fast forward to today. I am not wearing the pink fuzzy sweater, but still, there is pink fuzz on my butt! It must have come off onto my desk chair and just waited all night for me to come back in and sit down.

So, here's the question. Should Ken call an escort agency and have someone without a pink fluffy butt to play the role of the dutiful wife at his interview? Possibly....

Christmas Experience #1

So, we have decided to have an "Experiential Christmas." That means no gifts, just time and activities together to build memories. We are overloaded with things, and sometimes we just need time with friends and family.

This weekend was my "Experience." Ken and I and some friends went to Vegas for the weekend. It was so much fun. We stayed downtown and pretty much stayed away from the strip most of the weekend. We played in the casinos downtown, found a great Irish pub with a live band right on Fremont St. It was a weekend of excesses. I ate too much, drank too much, gambled too much, slept not enough. Who could ask for more? Thanks to Bekah, Don, Derrick, Margaret and of course Ken, for making it a fantastic weekend. What I can remember, I will never forget = )

What's New

We are again facing the possibility of a move. Ken will be interviewing for a position in Tucson, AZ the 18th & 19th of this month. He is excited about his possibilities and thinks this might be "the one." We are busy researching the area and the council. Other than the heat, I think it will be a good fit. Cost of living is much less, and that will be all good. He will get a lease car, so Megan will have a vehicle of her own to drive around. It is exciting thinking about new opportunities, but it also brings the worries about moving. What to do with our house here, will will have enough $ for a down payment on a house there, will the kids adjust, will we (me) adjust. I try not to worry about things in the future, but it is hard.

We had a great visit with my dad. I am so glad he got the chance to come down. He was able to see Michael play in 3 soccer games (and they even won one.) He got to see Megan in her play "Up the Down Staircase." I think he was very impressed with the acting abilities of her and her classmates. He spent some quality time with Jake. It was very good to have him here. We talked about missing mom. We talked about his new dancing adventures at the Eagles. We talked about his new found freedoms. It was just so good to spend time with him.

We had a great time with friends last night at karaoke. I really enjoy these people. If we move, I'll miss them. Maybe they will have to come to Tucson and visit. You think they have karaoke bars in Tucson, oh I hope so. I'm (NOT) an expert now.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Can't wait, my dad will be here this afternoon. Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving. Comment and let me know what you are thankful for.

Someone Felt Left Out

Apparently I neglected to mention that Jake was with us all weekend. It was like having three adults hanging out watching soccer. It was fun sharing time with him. He has turned into a wonderful young man. I'm proud of you Jake.

I have a story to tell you about how much Jake loves kids. I was heading out to lunch one day at the same time Jake was leaving. One of our co-workers was walking up with her grand daughter who is about 3 or 4 I think. Jake looked over and sounded so funny when he said, "Awwwwww." The inflection in his voice went up as he said it, it was just what women do when they see something cute. He stopped and talked to her. It was so cute. I laughed to myself as I got in my car, and when I thought about how gentle and loving he was toward that little girl I thought, "Awwwww."

Soccer, ice packs, & jazz

Michael's team was in a 7 v 7 tournament this weekend in LA (David Beckham fields). We got up early on Saturday and headed up. We ended up watching 9 games of soccer. Since they split Michael's team into two, we watched 3 games with Michael playing, 3 with his other teammates playing, and then 3 in between all the other games. We just packed a cooler and sat on the fields all day. In Mike's last game he went up for header at the same time as one of his teammates (they need to communicate a little better). Good news, Michael can jump very high, and he got his head on the ball. Bad news, the other player got his head on Michael's face. He went down pretty hard. The coach went out and then motioned for us to come out. Never a good sign. Ken went out, I'm such a baby. Apparently Michael's face immediately swelled (swolled, got swollen) so much that his eye could barely open. The medics came and gave him some aspirin and an ice pack. They didn't think we needed a trip to the ER, so we just watched him the rest of the day. The swelling went down within an hour or so (mostly). It must have hurt, because he kept the ice on it for about 4 hours (on and off). This morning, just a little swelling, some red, and the purple beginning. It should be a doozy. After Mike's games we went to Mr. B's to watch Oregon State beat Arizona. I played trivia and ate potato skins while the boys watched the game. It was nice.

Today, up early again, and off to the MLS Cup Championship game. (Superbowl for Pro Soccer) We got there about an hour and a half early to take in all the pre-game festivities. Michael's whole team went, it was fun. Columbus Crew over NY Red Bulls 3-1. We left a little early because we had to rush Michael back to a Jazz band performance at the Mission Viejo Mall. He changed from soccer attire to his little tux, and headed off. They had two performances, we went home and napped for a little while, and then headed to see the second performance. Michael had 3 solos and did great. It was fun to see the many sides of Michael Tucker this weekend. Didn't see any sides of Megan though, I missed her =(

Off to bed. Watching soccer really takes it out of a girl.

A few more minutes of lunch...

Thought I'd write a little during the last part of my lunch break. I appreciate all the e-mails and calls from those concerned about me. I am fine, really. I went to the doctor on Monday and they increased the dosage on my happy pills. I'm a little jittery, but feeling better. Ken and I have talked and I feel like he might have actually heard me this time. We are giving the Tucson move a chance, then, if nothing happens, no more looking. If it does come through, he promises to keep us there for a while. I just need to settle somewhere. If it is here, then so be it. If Tucson, then so be it. But, one of these places needs to become home for me.

Dad is coming for Thanksgiving next week. Can't wait to see him. We are going to San Diego for the weekend for a soccer tournament. We are also planning the Vegas trip in December. So, we have things to look forward to.

I'm reading an interesting book now called "The Shack." I think I recommend it, not done yet, not sure either, it does make you think though. It takes a whole different spin on our relationship with God. If you read it, let me know what you thought.

Back to work. Ugh!

Beach House

A friend from church has a house right on the beach in San Clemente. A group of us went for a girls slumber party last night. What fun. She just graduated culinary school, so we had a great dinner. We had lots of snacks, margaritas, wine, and a great evening to just relax and share. It is so important to me that people really "know" me. Not just kind of know me, but really know me. The connection is vital. It is something I've been missing since we've been here, and the feeling of loneliness has been amplified since my mom's passing. Now that was someone who really knew me, and loved me just the same. Man I miss her! Anyway, the house was so close to the beach that when the tide is high, the waves actually hit the house sometimes. We didn't get that big of waves, but it was crashing on the rocks right in front of the deck. I got splashed anyway. This particular group of women seem to be in the same place as I am (emotionally). It is nice to know I'm not alone. It is nice to be vulnerable in front of people, and not feel like I am being judged. They actually encourage me to be myself. They say they love it when I am "me". Man, I hope that is true. Seems kind of weird though, that I am finally getting connections with some women, and now Ken has decided to kick it into gear and really start pushing for a move. Why does it always happen that way? Probably because we move so much, I just get tired of making the effort to connect, then when I get to the point where I am lonely enough to put myself out there, it's time to move on again. Honestly, I am just about ready to settle somewhere. I'm not even sure I care where. I just want to go somewhere and know that this is where we are going to stay. Then I can go in full force, commit to making the effort to connect, knowing I won't have to do the whole thing all over again in a few years. It is just draining emotionally. Ken doesn't seem to have the need for connection, and if he does, he finds it in his work (which has been constant for the last 20 years.) So, I am full on supporting Tucson (I guess that is the next possibility on the table.) Then, I'm gonna say no more until Michael graduates or even longer. Maybe forever somewhere wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would be bad for Mr. Goal Oriented, Work is My Life, but not so much for me. I can honestly say though, I'd rather it was Tacoma. I'm still terribly disappointed about that one.

Still so sad, not knowing what to do now

Yeah, I'm mad

So, this is going to be a rant. If you aren't in the mood, just skip it. I'm serious, this is a RANT!

Ken told me yesterday that the regional jack a** would not put his name in the pool for the job in Tacoma. Just Monday he was telling me that he thought he had a really good shot. He was talking to this guy and that guy and they were all saying it was a go, now they say "Oh, we think you will be great in Tuscon." Ken decided not to try for 4 other jobs in different regions because these jerks were pulling his chain saying he was a shoe in for Tacoma. They sent him profiles and told him how he matched up perfectly. Bunch of CRAP. Bunch of lying, say what he wants to hear BLEEPERS! He has been promotable for nearly a year! One interview, oh yeah, it did have an Area Director in the same interview pool (like we even had a shot!)

Here's the deal, he doesn't even see it. He is trying to sell me on this "great opportunity in Tuscon." They are just blowing smoke. They held him in Portland for 3 extra years, now here. Why does he think this organization gives a rats a** about furthering his career and moving him forward. Maybe one or two people, but NOT the ONE guy who seems to run the show for the entire western region. You want to know how many different places I have Googled in the last year because he has come home excited about "an opportunity"? Let's see...Fresno, Colorado Springs, Toms River, Columbia, Griffin, someplace in Ohio, someplace in Iowa I can't even remember, Reno, Tacoma, and now I'm supposed to get all excited about this wonderful chance for him to get the career of a lifetime in Tuscon. He didn't even really want those other jobs anyway I guess. They were all bad opportunities, this, yea this will be THE ONE. Why in God's name would someone put up with this crap?


I asked him to look around outside of Scouting and he got mad at me for "telling him what to do with his life." Then, after about four months of nagging, he looked at some newspaper ads (only in Spokane) to appease me. Really, really, REALLY! How many frickin times have I packed up and moved to follow him. How many times have I given up job, home, friends, family? Now, I say, you know I just can't take it here anymore (and that was a year ago), and I get the "it's right around the corner for me" excuse.

We are not partners in life, he lives his life, and I should be grateful to be dragged along I guess. Really makes me feel good let me tell you. I will be drinking tonight, and I don't even care! Maybe I'll say something true. Maybe my dad will buy me a nice little trailer in Spokane and I'll just tell Ken to join me when he sees the light, or I'll join him when that "great opportunity" really comes to fruition, though I won't be holding my breath.

Vegas Anyone?

We (Ken and I and some friends) are planning a trip to Vegas the weekend of Dec. 12th. We will be staying at the Plaza downtown. We'd love to have as many as possible join us. It will be a fun weekend. Not a lot planned. Maybe the men will go golfing, maybe we'll go to Hoover Dam, maybe we'll sit at the $2 tables all day long. You never know. We'll probably take in a show on Saturday night. Maybe we'll find a karaoke bar =)

Let me know if you are interested.

I Need Help

So, I am apparently the "white trash" that Carrie Underwood sings about in her "When He Cheats" song. I love karaoke. Not just a little, I seriously could go every day and sing my little heart out. [Editors Note: The word "sing" is used loosely.] We went to my favorite karaoke bar on Saturday night. We were there from around 9 and closed the place down. Most of you know, that I would rather sleep than do a lot of things. Apparently karaoke wins over sleep for me. Unfortunately for Ken, he is usually dragged along for the ride (more accurately to drive my sorry a** home.) I have found the key to getting the KJ at Pineapple to let me sing. I just give him some song choices and let him help me choose what to sing. If I choose and he doesn't like the choice, I will sing once or twice. Last night, 4 times! We also meet the nicest people (I know, they are all drunk, but they are nice and friendly and I miss friendly, so I choose drunk friendly over sober and unfriendly.)

Michael has his last league soccer game on Saturday. It ended in a tie. Their team ended second from last. The only team they were able to beat is the team who came in last. Not great. They start League Cup next weekend in San Bernardino. Then a 7 v 7 tournament in LA the weekend before Thanksgiving, and a tournament in San Diego the weekend after Thanksgiving. Dad will be here for the San Diego tournament. I am excited to share some time with him. I think he will enjoy watching Michael play. I like watching even if they are losing, so surely he'll like it too. Not sure what else we will do when he is here. I guess I'll cook a turkey or something. (That should be interesting.) Maybe we'll tour San Diego while we're down there, maybe we'll find something to do here. We'll just wait and see. Can't wait to see you daddy!

Still nothing about Ken's chance at an interview....anywhere. He is still hopeful that he will get in the pool for the Tacoma position. Guess we'll just wait. The more I fret about it, the less he will talk with me about it. I guess I'm a nag (again, I think I need help.)

Hope you all have a great week. Nothing too spectacular planned for us, though you know I'll let you know should something come up.

Halloween at Hemo...that place where I work

Jodi = Partly Cloudy, with a chance of showers

Jake = God's Gift to Women

Michael's Music

Check out some videos of Michael soloing in his jazz concert last night on YouTube. Search for Moanin Michael and Street Smart Michael. He did really well. First year in Jazz, only second year on the trumpet.

Weekend Activities

So we had another good weekend. Ken and I went with one of his friends from work to a sports bar on Friday night. Ken likes the sports and the trivia, and I get to drink and sing karaoke. Fun for all. Here's a little hint regarding the use of text messaging while drinking, avoid it if at all possible. If it were against the law I would have a TWI on my record. And the bad thing, it is just sitting out there for people to show you later. Also, you should only drink with people you know well. Don't drink with people whose name you are kind of familiar with, but not really. I guess I called Ken's friend a bunch of different names, Scott, Steve, I don't even know what else. Sorry, buckaroo. Ken's thinking about putting me in a treatment program with Brittney Spears, gambling, drinking, what's next?

Saturday we had a soccer game, another loss. It is getting harder and harder to watch. Then we came home and did a little house cleaning. Always a fun experience. My friend Bekah and her family came over for dinner and games. It was fun. We played Encore with the kids and then the adults had a mean game of Spades. They got a small glimpse of our competitive sides when we started playing cards. For some reason, Ken and I are both just a little aggressive when we play cards. I can lose at other games and laugh, but make a mistake while you're my partner playing cards and I turn into my Grandpa Bates. I think it's hereditary, I can't help it. Sorry Bekah =)

Sunday was another soccer game, another loss. Then we just came home and crashed. Nothing better than a two hour nap on Sunday afternoon. Now, Ken and the kids are playing pinochle (and here's a shocker, Jake is yelling at Megan for playing her hand wrong.)

Hope you have a good week. We just make it through the week, waiting for the weekends.

Letting Go

Megan had an appointment with her kidney doctor this week. They were pretty blunt and open with her this time. They explained that soon she would be booted out of the Children's Hospital system and be an adult, so they wanted to go through her disease, prognosis and life style choices with her directly. They talked pretty clearly about the chance of her needing a transplant someday was very high (maybe sooner than we'd like). She is functioning at 40%, and anything below 30% they start the transplant/dialysis discussions. Her numbers have been fluctuating and they are not really sure why. Maybe they will just keep going up and down, or maybe this is the start of the end. They were also very blunt about her lifestyle choices. She is not allowed any of the typical teenage mistakes. No drugs, no alcohol, no smoking and absolutely no babies. It was so hard to sit and listen to them tell her, that she could never have children (the old fashioned way anyway.) We are back to getting her blood checked every month or two until things either stabilize or get better or worse.

We got in the car after the appointment and I asked how she was feeling. She just looked at me and said, "Scared, really scared." Can't believe I'm saying this, but it was almost easier when she was little and didn't really understand the gravity of her situation. She knew she was sick, she knew I wasn't going to leave her side, so everything must be going to turn out ok. Now she knows, I can't stop things, and really, I can't do much to help her through the tough circumstances of her life, other than stand beside her. It kind of felt like I had to let go of a little part of her, the part that handles this disease and her prognosis is now pretty much in her hands. I still wish I could take it all away for her, but we all see her "shining" example of what a little hardship can do to a person (see www.krisandken.com for the shining reference.)

Fun Times

Ken and I had a blast this weekend. We stopped at one of the casinos on the way up. I played some blackjack and left with what I started with. It was a lot of fun. Then we headed to our hotel. It was right in the middle of downtown Palm Springs, only a block off of the main street with all the activities. We walked up and down the block trying to find something to do. Ken had seen an advertisement for a bar with dancing. But literally there were bars up and down the whole street. What we found was a great little karaoke bar. You know how much I love those. It wasn't very crowded and the people were all so nice. A bald gay guy singing the hits of the Carpenters, a gay couple singing Rebel Yell, a 70 year old woman singing Patsy Cline, and on and on. We all just sang, laughed and drank all night, it was fun. I sang about 5 songs on Friday night. We went back to the hotel around midnight (because I thought Ken was bored, later he said he wasn't and wished we had stayed longer.) Saturday we slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, then headed to the Tram. It is this huge revolving tram that takes us to the top. It takes about 15 minutes to make the trip. Once up there we hiked around. There was a short nature walk (I wasn't up for anything too strenuous. "Accidentally" wore the wrong shoes.) It was beautiful and peaceful. So quiet and serene, not crowded at all. After that we went to a couple of casinos in the valley. I played blackjack for a couple of hours. Again, left with a little more than I started with ($10). We had dinner in downtown Palm Springs and headed back to the karaoke bar. Kind of funny, many of the same people were there. Since your name comes up when you sing, everyone knows every one's name. By the end of the night, we are singing and dancing and hanging out like old friends. There was a group of "young chicks" celebrating a birthday. So, I joined in and took a shot with them. The whole bar sang us the birthday song. She was 28, I am 45, yet we were kindred souls. Saturday night was the best. I sang about 7 times (I honestly lost track.) I sang California Dreamin with the DJ, I sang a Journey song with some random guy who walked in and wanted to sing with me, the whole bar sang along with Bon Jovi Living on a Prayer. AND Ken got up and sang Don't Go Breaking My Heart with me. It was just so much fun! Next time I am with you and you want to do something fun, let's go sing karaoke. I LOVE IT!

We slept in on Sunday, had a leisurely breakfast. We stopped at a casino on the way home, but couldn't find any $5 tables, so we didn't stay too long. We got home around 2, and took a nap. Now, Megan is off to find us some food.

And, I didn't see one person going into the pool with slippers on. It was a fantastic weekend. Thanks honey, the best birthday in a long time. Maybe since the big 40th party, or the time we had the Month of Birthday, or.... well, you get the point. I'm a little spoiled. Next time I bitch about him, smack me.

Remembering the good times makes me laugh, yeah yeah

So there are two versions to this blog, the short and the long. I will start with the short, and if that is all you want, then stop reading.

SHORT STORY:
We are going to Palm Springs for the weekend to celebrate my birthday.

LONG STORY:
The first time I lived in CA (not the first time with Ken, but the first time ever) I was about Michael's age. We lived in Huntington Beach. My dad, who is quite a bit like Ken, liked us to "experience" the places we lived, so he took us for day trips here and there. He took us to a taping of a TV show, he took us the World Series, we went to Disneyland a bunch of times. He's a good guy. Anyway, for some reason or another he decided (business I think) that we needed to go to Palm Springs. It was just Dad, Mom and me. I was a typical teenager and was sure it would be boring. We met some people at a resort (probably the same one Ken and I are staying at, since it is advertised as one of the oldest resorts in the area.) I was in my cute little bikini enjoying the pool (yes, I could wear a bikini back then and not make people want to throw up.) I did notice that the age bracket for guests at this particular resort was a little on the "old" side. My mom and dad even looked young compared with these people. Now, to really get the feel for this story, you will need to go all the way back, back to the late 70's. All of the water toys & equipment we are familiar with were not even a glimmer in the inventors eye. Back when flip flops were thongs and I looked OK in a bikini. So we are sitting at a pool side table enjoying a riveting (boring) conversation and I was people (old people) watching. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of something odd. A gentleman was walking around the pool deck in his bedroom slippers. OK, so maybe the concrete was hot. But then, he just walked right into the pool, slippers and all! I tried to get someone's attention. I knew my mom would think this was as hysterical as I did. End of story, I finally interrupted the "adult" conversation and blurted out, loud enough for everyone (even the old man now in the pool with slippers on,) "Look at that crazy old man wearing slippers in the pool!" Now, this is probably the inventor of water socks, and he has left his children and grandchildren millions in inheritance, but, at the time, I thought he was just a crazy old man.

END OF LONG STORY:
Ken and I are going to Palm Springs for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. Hope Ken doesn't wear his slippers into the pool.

You're only as old as you feel...

Back in "the day" I used to be able to drink and dance the night away at the state line hot spots. $3 cover, free drinks from 8-9, and dancing til 2. Now, I've been hanging with the "young chick" at the karaoke bar several times, and I kept up pretty well. So, when they said, let's go dancing, I said, "you betcha!" We met around 8:30, had dinner and a few drinks and the music started at 9. At first it was ok. I didn't know any of the songs, but I could shake my groove thing with the best of them. But, as the evening progressed, and the crowds gathered, and the music got louder and louder, I started thinking, maybe I'm not as young as I think. By 11:30, Ken was done, and I hate to admit it, but so was I. My ears were ringing. I didn't drink nearly as much as I normally do at the karaoke place, but my head pounded. Sunday morning, headache remained, and was joined by some seriously achy joints. Could it be that a few hours of dancing had taken such a toll on my body? I think yes.

I did have a good time, and loved dancing with my friends (Ken only came out one time, whatever!) There were 5 ladies who danced together, and we had fun. Maybe I need to find an establishment that plays "retro" music, and caters to a "more mature" audience. We'll just have to keep looking.

If you are unhappy at work, ENJOY THE WEEKEND!

I have started embracing this principle. Things at work just keep changing. Uncertainty is in the air. There is only one (1) manager left on the team from when I started 3 1/2 years ago. I guess I'll just keep showing up until they tell me otherwise.

So, back to the weekend. We had a good time with Jake & Megan on Friday night playing pinochle. Reminded me of good times with my mom. The kids were laughing about some silly thing they saw on YouTube and Ken was trying to keep up. I just sat back and enjoyed them all. Today Michael had a soccer game. They lost again, but Michael had a good game, and played the whole first half and about half of the second half. One of his good friends (who also has issues with playing time) had a great assist on our only goal. Makes the "benchers" feel good when the only goal was scored when they were in the game. After the game we came home, and in hopeful anticipation, started going through the house. We each started with our bedrooms. We took 8 big garbage bags of clothes to Goodwill. The kids also did some deep cleaning, that just means move the bed and vacuum. While it was work, we were all in good spirits and talking about "when we move."

Tonight Ken and I are going out with my friend Bekah (from Ken's work) and some others. I'm not sure if any of the party pooper "young chicks" will show up, but that's ok. We'll dance the night away.

Michael has another game tomorrow (not too early). Then we'll just relax and get ready for another week at work.

Hope you all have a great weekend. Post your comments and let me know what's up.

Movement toward Movement

Ken had some "frank" conversations with the BSA Western Region honchos. He said he was interested in ANYTHING - ANYWHERE. He reiterated our personal issues (age of our kids) and his understanding that the economy and other factors will make it nearly impossible to make goals next year. So, he looks good now, but is realistic that it won't last. So, we have a limited window (since they only look at current performance and nothing more) in which to leave. Les (Ken's boss) has talked with Regional people in the South and Central Regions as well. There are openings in SC, GA, OH. BUT....they also sent him the profile "what the perfect candidate will look like" for the Tacoma council. It literally looked like they knew Ken, his experiences and his leadership style when they wrote it. IF the Regional Exec. can be convinced to push Ken as the best choice, this is a definite possibility. Ken thinks that the fact that he is willing to leave the Region might help him. The next few weeks should be interesting. I'll keep you posted.

The Heart vs. The Head

I have found that one of the biggest struggles that you face when dealing with grief and the loss of someone you love, is the heart vs. head struggle. Even from the night my mom died, my head knew that it was probably best for her as she had been so unhappy, uncomfortable and not herself for so long, but my heart said, "NO, not my mommy! I need her." The issue with donating her eyes was the same. I knew it was a good thing. I knew it was what she would want, but my heart kept rebelling at the thought that she wouldn't need them anymore. And it just goes on. Each new day I face my head is saying one thing, and my heart is still broken and empty and dealing with the fact that she's not coming back. I can't call her, I can't give her a hug, hear her voice, make her laugh. It is almost overwhelming for me. You hear, and think, that it will get easier with time. But, my heart says, "Passing time just adds one more thing that you can't share with her." She would've loved watching Megan in her play. She would be just as mad as I am about Michael's coach sitting him for an entire game with no explanation. She would be sit up straighter with pride every time she heard Jake play. Now all I know, is that she isn't here to share these moments. As one person moves on, it just reminds me that we all need to move on. Again, the finality. She is not coming back. I don't judge others for taking steps forward, I admire the ability. Maybe because we were so far away, and yet her and I were so close. I didn't get to say my good-byes to each of these little moments when others were. They probably were thinking I was so uncaring and callous for not realizing these were good-byes. I just kept holding on, as I still am. Pray for help in keeping memories of happy times. Pray that I can release my unhealthy need to hold her to this world.

I think my head needs to win this battle. I feel like my heart won't let it.

WARNING: Boastful Mom Ahead

So, you have been warned, and yet you continue to read. I'm guessing you love my kids nearly as much as I do.

We went to Megan's play last night, and I have to say, she should be in Hollywood. Wait, we're very near there and I am begging to leave. Anyway, I digress. The play is a series of skits that all tie into one theme. The kids in her production company wrote the whole thing. It was hysterical. The overall theme is very realistic....Aliens have landed at Trabuco Hills High School and are observing adolescent life. Megan wrote one piece about a really bad sunburn and how the aliens mistakenly think this person is one of them. It was cute. She was the "star" of several skits. She was the reader obsessed with the Twilight series of books. She was a newscaster who keeps reading the wrong script. She was so perky and smiley, it was really funny. She interviewed one of her friends who is more than a foot taller than her. She stood there and looked up, then got a chair and stood on it. It was funny. I will send pictures to Favorite Uncle Ken to load onto his website.

So funny sideline. Her dentist, who helped with her gorgeous smile, has a daughter in the play as well. Apparently he leaned over when Megan came on stage to boast about his work to his family. "Those are my teeth," he said. Megan has commented that her school pictures this year are great, because she has "great teeth." I guess all that money was worth it. We'll see what he can do with Michael, who has chipped yet another tooth. I'm not putting too much moola into that mouth though. Sports are really hard on teeth, as are scooters, bikes, skateboards, cupboards, friends, dogs..... That one is just an accident waiting to happen. You'd think since he's so athletic he'd be more coordinated, but the fearlessness makes him make bad choices. We're working on that.

Fear & Beauty

I went to a Women's Retreat with our church this weekend. Even though I ended up feeling pretty crappy, (the beginning stages of a head cold = headache & plugged ears, then the endless draining) I had a great time. I roomed with a couple of lovely ladies who took pity on me, and took care of me. It felt good. The speaker talked about a couple of themes that hit home (don't they always) Fear and Beauty. I discovered that I have a real fear of being alone (complicated by our current place of residence and the loss of my mother.) We talked in my small group about knowing that even when I feel alone I'm not. God is always with me, and He is surrounding me with caring people, I just need to open my eyes and see them. So, I see you Bekah, Danielle, Donna, Debbie, Kim, Karen. And yes, I see you Ken, Jake, Megan and Michael.

Then the next day we talked about Beauty. Again, a sensitive subject with me. What is beauty, and who gets to define it. I have even struggled with God's description of beauty being a quiet and gentle spirit. If you know me, I don't have either of those, so does that mean that God does not see beauty in me? Not sure I have completely wrapped my arms around this subject yet. I know I hide my insecurities under a few pounds and a loud laugh, but is there really something beautiful down in there somewhere? I'll keep looking.

Overall, even with a head cold. It was a relaxing and enlightening weekend. Funny thing, I really didn't want to go. I knew I was getting sick, and I normally really hate being with women. Not all women, but most. I don't feel very feminine ever, and when I'm surrounded by estrogen, I get uncomfortable. I think it goes back to that beauty thing. I had no doubt though when I was asked who the most beautiful person I knew was, Megan is a hands down winner. Not only beautiful on the outside (where it really doesn't matter, but it is TRUE) but on the inside. She told me she missed me and didn't like it when I left her all alone in "man-land." Maybe next time I'll take her.

So, that is my deep, spiritual contribution to my blog. Next time, back to movies and kids who fart a lot.

It's Official, my kids are crazy funny!

After Michael's soccer game yesterday afternoon we went with some friends to "family karaoke night" at my favorite establishment. Though it didn't start when we thought, we still had a good dinner, played some trivia, and eventually got to sing a couple of songs. Michael was the star. He did a mean version of Juke Box Hero and had the whole place in stitches.

Also, I need to tell you the story of Megan's accent training for drama. They are supposed to use different accents to say the phrase "Where you in the boat when the boat turned over. Of course not silly, I was in the water." So, we were driving home from somewhere, and the kids and I started trying this particular exercise. Ken almost had to pull over until we could calm down. We were all in stitches. It is sometimes funny to watch Ken watch us. It seems like he keeps wondering "where did these people come from and why do I love them as much as I do?" And, for the record, I am the best at accents. I totally nailed the German accent. And I am pretty practiced with the Swedish accent so that was pretty good as well.

So, I reflect on my weekend with my kids. Fun times in the car, a great dinner and movie night with the older kids, Ken had a great time with Michael at the Galaxy game, and a great family karaoke night. Makes me think how lucky I am. I really do have great kids. They make me laugh. I tell them I'm the best friend they'll ever have (that's what my mom used to say) but truth is, they are probably the best friends I'll ever have.

I Love You Guys!

Movie Review

OK, so the older kids and I saw the FUNNIEST movie last night. It gets three thumbs up from the Tucker Family. It is called Ghost Town. We went with some friends and they loved it as well. I thought it was going to be this cute movie about a guy learning to care about other (which it was) but during the process it was hysterical. I literally could not breath during the dog scene (you'll have to go see it to find out what happens.) It felt so good to just have a hearty laugh, the kind that starts out small and turns into an ugly snort fest and a sore belly. Good news, I didn't wet my pants.

Michael did great at his soccer game yesterday. We lost again, but I think we need to get used to that. We just look at how he played and forget about the score. We just can't seem to put any offense together. So, even if our defense plays great, the chance of winning decreases exponentially when we can't seem to get the ball into the goal. 0-0 is still not a win. I think we had one or two shots on goal, and the other team had 20 (I don't know for sure, but it sure seemed that way.) So a 2-0 game is still respectable.

Jake is playing soccer on a co-ed rec team from "that place we work." He is having fun and getting a little exercise. This team probably won't win a game either.

Well, we're off to a busy Sunday. Remember, go see "Ghost Town." Let me know what you think.

A Lesson in "Be Careful What You Say"

I was minding my own business at work yesterday when our IT manager came up to me with an interesting observation. Apparently he has been instructed to put a "tickler" out for any websites that mention...well the name of the company where I work, and my blog came up after my most recent post. As we were talking he stated that the Ferrari story was his favorite. So, what is it that IT managers do when the computers, phones, faxes and copiers are all running smoothly? They read my blog. Not only did he read the part about, well the company I work for, he also read the entire list of blogs. How long do you suppose it took him to get through the entire list?

So, from now on, I will not refer to, well, that company I work for.

Men, they just don't understand

I went to my favorite karaoke bar with my new best friend Rebekah and one of the young chicks. We just have a good time together. We are planning all kinds of fun times, line dancing, a trip to Vegas, and more karaoke. Anyway, Ken left early since Michael had a soccer game at 8 AM. Bekah and I were talking and singing, and laughing. One guy we were talking to was convinced we were a "couple." My friend Melissa and I have been mistaken for a "couple" before as well. Let me explain things to the male mind. Women need women friends! You will never understand us, so we seek out the like mindedness of other women. We relate to each other, we care about each other, but there is absolutely nothing sexual about that. I don't think men need that kind of relationship, and if they do, they'll more than likely find it in female form. Yes, I like short hair. Yes, I like to dress in jeans and t-shirts. Yes, I enjoy the company of women. No, to that other question.

On to other subjects. We took Jake with us for part of the evening. There is no age limit at this establishment until 11, so minors can come and enjoy a couple hours of fun. We got him to sing a Journey song and yes, he was very good. It wouldn't be hard to get him hooked on my new favorite past time. He is still working at HemoCue. He has departments fighting over him now. I am hopeful he gets offered a permanent position soon. I think he likes the work and the people. He is very young, and very....confident. He'll need to work on that a little as it can come across as cocky.

Ken got up early and took Michael to soccer. Our team is struggling this year. We just can't seem to get any offense together. We spend a lot of time each game on the defensive end. Then, when they score, it appears the coach is blaming the defense. Even if we stopped everything, a 0-0 game is not a win. I wish there was some accountability placed on the offensive players. They always seem to be the "stars" who play the whole game. Michael has been on the bench a lot the last couple of weeks. At first he was pretty upset, but now I think he is looking at it as a challenge to bring his best to each game. Hopefully that will be rewarded

Megan, who threw a party at school with her friends when she heard we didn't get the job in Reno, is busy with drama. They practice every day after school until around 4:30. I am still trying to get her to look for a job. It is hard with school, church and drama. She is taking two AP classes, plus Chemistry and Alg. 2. It's a tough schedule. But, if she wants to drive my car, she'll need to get some kind of job to pay for gas and maybe some insurance.

Ken is researching possibly openings. Rumors have it the guy in Eugene is actively looking for a change. We are just hopeful something opens pretty quickly. I gave him 6 months, then I said we just won't move until Megan graduates. That means, we're stuck here in hell. But it is getting better. Hell is always easier if you have a friend or two to share the misery with, right?

The Good and Bad

We had a great weekend with Nic & Melissa. We gambled, drank, ate, laughed. It was all good. We ended up losing money, but if you think of the entertainment and the free drinks, I think we came out ahead. We saw a hysterical show at "Catch a Rising Star" comedy club. Nic and Ken were weeping from laughing so hard. Definitely a man's comedian, but you all know I have a little bit of a man's sense of humor. Let's just say it, Farting is Funny!

We had a great dinner with some of the board members from the Reno Council on Monday night. It was like a gathering of friends. We laughed and talked for about two and a half hours. I tried my hardest not to be a career killer, but a Ken advocate instead. Ken interviewed great on Tuesday. BUT, you knew that was coming didn't you. But, the job went to the Area Director Marty Baldwin. Ken just couldn't compete with his experience. The personnel guy from the region said Ken did great and made it a tough decision, but he couldn't overcome the experience. So, what next? There are openings all over the country (Michigan, North Carolina...) but nothing that Ken is qualified for in the West. He is hoping that now that the Area Director position is open (thanks to Marty) someone from Eugene, Spokane, Boise might want that job. It would be a promotion without the need for a move for any of these guys, so that is always attractive. We'll do some research on the open positions, talk with the Regional guys and see what is next.

So back to the OC. We'll need to plan some kind of consolation party at my favorite karaoke bar. Becka/Danielle, are you free Friday night?

Nothing much

So the weekend soccer tournament was less than exciting. The boys were struggling. Lost all three games, we didn't score once. Tough to watch. Not really sure what the problem was, we just didn't gel I guess. League play starts this weekend. We will miss the first two games (Sat & Sun) but Jake will handle everything while we are gone. He really did turn out to be a great young man. I'm proud of you Jake!

Ken and I spent the rest of the weekend resting. If all this pans out as we would like, our lives will be thrown into chaos next week. The in between time is really difficult for me. Ken uses the time wisely. He studies and prepares. I on the other hand, worry and fret, go over every "what if" scenario that could possibly play out. It isn't productive, I just can't seem to stop myself. I am really, really, really looking forward to a weekend with Melissa. Girls gone wild in Reno! Can't wait!

Wish I had a funny story or something to share, unfortunately, our weekend was pretty dull. We'll keep you posted on anything exciting that might happen. Don't hold your breath though.

Weekend Events

So, Friday night with the young chicks (minus the one who stood me up, you know who you are) was great fun. Now that we are thinking about a move, I finally have made some friends with the "real" housewives of Orange County, and I'm not talking about Jeana and Vicki. I sang a couple of fabulous hits of the 70's and drank the young chicks under the table.

Saturday with Ken's boss and his wife was interesting. Yes, they did have some fashion advice. She said slacks were ok if I wore heals. I told her I hadn't worn heals in 20 years and wasn't about to start. I will force myself into a pair of panty hose and will try not to embarrass Ken with stories of Karaoke with the young chicks, but I will have to just be myself. Contrary to popular opinion, even though I am outspoken, I can control myself. I will say nice things, compliment my husband and tell them how proud I am of his accomplishments, tell them I'd follow him to the ends of the earth, all that crap.

Nic and Melissa from Vancouver are meeting us in Reno for the weekend. I am so looking forward to a couple days to just relax and have fun. Spent all my vacation days doing not really fun stuff, so this will be my vacation for the summer. Can't wait.

Jake starts school tomorrow. He is working 8-5 at HemoCue M-W-F, and going to school on T-Th. It really should be a good schedule for him, and he'll earn a few bucks. He's working on a plan, just in case we end up moving. Good luck Jake! You know anyone who wants to rent a lovely 4 bedroom house in MV, with one young adult as a boarder? He's kind of loud, and kind of messy, and kind of stinky, but he's pretty nice, and great with kids.

Gotta get back to work. Talk to ya later!

Here & There

So I was thinking our lives might slow down a little after our hectic summer. Not so much. I sent an e-mail to my boss just today explaining all the time off I'll be needing for school registrations, doctor appointments, and an unscheduled trip to Reno (maybe a move, maybe just a nice weekend.) Our friends the Larsons are going to meet us in Reno for the weekend before Ken's interview on Monday and Tuesday. I am REALLY looking forward to spending time with them. She's one of those people who you can just be yourself around, even if yourself is a little bitchy.

We have a soccer tournament over Labor Day weekend, plus practices 3 times a week. Keeps us hopping. Jake starts school next week, Megan registers next week. School for the younger two start on the 4th. Feel kind of like I missed the whole summer experience. But, the young chicks are taking me for Karaoke again on Friday, so that will be fun. Then on Saturday, Ken and I have dinner with his boss and his wife. They want to give us pointers on the interview process, me more than Ken I am thinking. Hope they don't try to give me fashion advice, I might get nasty. I don't want to be a career killer, but I also have trouble NOT being myself. Should be interesting. I never thought I was that bad, honest but fair. But apparently I can alienate both Ken's family and my own without even trying, so maybe I should be careful with strangers. Maybe.

Mom's hold everything together

Have you ever wondered what the "glue" is that holds families together. Well, after my recent loss, I'd have to say it's MOM. Dad's are great, but the emotional connection of a family (in my case anyway) seems to rest pretty heavily on MOM, and when that is gone, there is a disconnect that is hard to explain. It's like we are all separate pieces, and that one individual was holding us all together as one. Now, we're a bunch of pieces again trying to find our way back together.

It was almost always my MOM who called each week to check in, even when her mind was gone and she thought she was calling my brother, she still called. I am really missing that. When we "kids" would argue with each other, it was MOM that reminded us that no matter what we are always family. Even though my dad values family, it is more often than not, his family, the emotional connection created by his mom that he is valuing. Now, don't go thinking that I am mad at my dad, or that I think he doesn't love and value us. I know that he does, it's just different, that is what I am saying. I'm lonely.

Here is another observation. Mom's understand what we're trying to say, when we're saying other things. Dad's not so much. Let's say we're talking about money or things (which comes up when someone dies and it is usually very complicated.) Dad's seem to think we're talking about money and things. How do you communicate that the money and the things are symbols of unspoken things, the memories, the love, the glue? So, yeah, I don't want one of my siblings to clean Dad's house of all my mom's things, but it's not because of the things. Does that make sense? When one sibling is treated differently, it's not that they are getting the things and the money, but the love and attention that we are all looking for. My mom was always one who valued equality. It's because she understood, it wasn't the money or the things, it was a tangible expression of love, and she loved us all, differently but equally.

Yikes! I'm a MOM and I now have a whole new understanding of what that means. I'm the glue. I guess the secret is to put enough of yourself into your kids and your spouse so that when you're gone, there is still enough "sticky" in them to keep things together. Hope I can do that.

Ken, Jake, Megan, Michael....I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH! (that is me, pouring "sticky" all over you.)

Nothin Much

Nothing much to write about. I LOVE my new Clay Aiken CD. Sometimes you have to treat yourself to something only you know you'll love. However, lots of people know I love him.....I was just quicker at treating myself than they were at thinking of me. If that makes any sense at all.

Had a busy week at work. We like to call it "Honcho Week." About one week a month all the managers from all over the country come into town, and that includes my favorite Swedish boss. So, Yodi has been yust owerwhelmed with work. We spent about 7 hours today in one big meeting, yawn. It is really difficult to take notes when you really want to be taking a nap. But, overall things at work are going pretty smoothly. Our sales are up and turnover seems to have slowed down, so maybe we're on the right track again. I still hear from the old guy (previous boss) every month or two. He was a great guy to work with and I miss him. The Swede is all business, and he says my name wrong. How can you bond with someone who can't say your name (I guess I did it with the kids when they were little....)

I am trying hard to connect with "regular" women here. I am going to dinner with a friend from church. We are getting ready for a Women's retreat next month. That ought to be interesting. No bunks and sleeping bags for the OC girls, we are at a Marriott on the beach somewhere. I do like a lot of the people here, even though I call it Hell. They have been very supportive this last couple of months. I have to look at things more positively.

Good news, I'm sleeping without the aid of medications and the bad dreams seem to have stopped. I just told mom, "Hey, if you want to come to me in my dreams that is great, but leave zombie mom behind. Just come in regular mom attire and say nice things about how much you loved me." Next thing you know, bad dreams are gone. Confront your problems directly and they might get better. That's my advice du jour.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll let you know. We have two beach gatherings planned, and really, I hate the beach. It is either too hot, too cold, too sandy, too windy. But, I am embarrassing my positive self and thinking that we might just have some fun anyway (especially if we pack some margaritas!)

Can't belive no one told me!

I was just surfing....the web....and discovered some shocking news. I am out of commission for a month and no one bothers to tell me.....CLAY AIKEN HAS A NEW CD! Seriously, I thought you were my friends. I immediately ran out and bought the WalMart version (with the bonus track I might add.) Then, I learn that he has "fathered" a child! When did all of this happen?

Michael had/has a soccer tournament this weekend. They had two games today, we lost =( It is the tournament for our club so we also had some "mandatory volunteer hours." Even under the umbrella most of the day I managed to get a little sun burn.

Kids had a blast at houseboats. Look at Jake's blog later (because he is not as up to date as I am) to check out some details and maybe a picture or two. They have Youth Sunday tomorrow where they show the movie of the trip and Jake's band leads worship for the whole church. We are dropping Michael off at his game, then running to church for the other kids, then running back, hoping to catch a few minutes of the game, then no more running, maybe a nap.

Mamma Mia!

Went to the movies last night with a friend from church. It was really cute. A definite, feel good and think less kind of movie. I probably would've enjoyed the play better than the movie, maybe we'll put that on the "To Do" list. If you enjoy a light hearted musical, I would recommend. Pierce Brosnen very brave actor, and not that great a singer. Maybe he should've had a singing double like Audrey Hepburn did in My Fair Lady.

Ken and kids come home tonight, then big soccer tourney this weekend. This tournament is sponsored by our club, so that means we will be watching games and volunteering. I signed Ken up for the hard stuff. I'll fold programs or something easy. Will be good to be around people again. Michael is people, I know, he's just 13, which borders very closely on alien.

I tried the "light" thing, but unfortunately that is not where I am right now, sorry. I started thinking the other day about the almost painful, physical yearning I have had the past 6 months or so to "go home." I think my body, spirit, soul, something knew I needed to spend some quality time with mom. Now I am overwhelmed with "why didn't I just listen to my gut, and go." Having that pull in two directions is really difficult, and inevitably someone will lose. There are all the other issues that come along with the grieving process, and then added family issues, and it just seems so incredibly hard. I think if I just had one thing to deal with I could handle it, but this is just too much. I know (in my head) that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I'm starting to wonder if He is over estimating me.

Enough pouring my heart out. I'll be fine. Time heals....that's what they say right?

Went Light, and No Comments?

So, I know it wasn't hysterical, but I thought the previous post was at least worth an "atta boy" comment for effort.

Ken and the older kids are all gone to houseboats this week. Michael and I are a little lonely. More me than Mike I'm sure. He tries, but he isn't the best company in the world. A lot of fart jokes and "watch this." We did bond over "WipeOut" last night. Even though it was a repeat, we laughed. Uncle Ken, did you watch? Think you could handle the Big Balls....when you were younger? Aunt Kris, did you agree with the Next Food Network Star winner? Megan and I were both disappointed. Funny guy totally should have won.

Jake went on and on about how much fun they were going to have at houseboats. Enough so, that I had to say, well, "Enough." So last night when I was talking to Ken I told him to tell Jake I was having so much fun watching Big Brother that I erased it accidentally. Revenge is so sweet.

Well, I will not post again until a comment appears......maybe.

Feeling Pressure to Lighten Up

So, I've been told my blogs have been a little depressing....sorry, I'm a little depressed. But, I understand my role of "class clown" so I will try to share a funny story so that you'll know I'll be ok.

Today I was watching some stupid Lifetime Movie with Megan, just veggin' when an infomercial came on, with that one guy, you know the OxiClean screamer. I don't know why, but Megan and I are both infomercial fans, so we watched with excitement the latest in houseware technology. It was for this glue like stuff that you can use on clothes. It's not glue, but a stretchable organic substance....something like that. We watched in awe as he "sewed/glued" pockets on pants, hems on a skirt, the upholstery on his car! It was amazing. And yes, it holds up in the wash. Then for some reason I decided I needed to express my amazement at this particular product, but I sometimes forget how loud I can be. Apparently I screamed "Sweet, I need that!" at the top of my lungs. Megan looked at me like I was crazy, Ken came running down the stairs asking what was the matter, the neighbor called and asked if we heard that weird noise (ok, so I made up the last one.)

After our afternoon bonding, we went to one of the local restaurants where I have made friends with one of the waiters. It was his last day, so I wanted to wish him well. He is about 24, and cute as a button. I am trying to set him up with one of the young chicks from work because he's just so cute. I asked to be seated in his area, and the hostess said his section was full. Again, not really considering what I was saying I said, "He wants me." REALLY, think before you open your mouth Jodi. When we got at the table Megan said in her best mom impersonation, "Sweet, I need that!"

To add a little bit of sentimentality to this blog I'll tell you that while we were at Wal-Mart I ran into one of their lovely greeters with a big name tag that said....."JODELL" really! I told her I had never seen anyone before who had my name. Is it a coincidence that I run into someone who has a name that came to my mother in a dream? I think not. Maybe her little way of telling me she still close by.

So Hard

I'm sure most of you have heard, but my mom passed away last Thursday. She was hospitalized Weds afternoon with breathing difficulties and never recovered. I hopped on a plane as soon as I could Thursday, but she could not hold on to wait for me. I hope she knew how much I loved her. I really wanted to say it one more time.

It is so hard being here, and her not being here. I see her in everything. I am trying so hard to be strong for my dad. But it's just hard. No other way to describe it. Things you don't really think about until someone close to you passes overwhelm you every day. Things that you know are good things (like she was able to donate her eyes) are still nearly impossible to fathom when you're thinking about your mommy. My heart and my head are battling for control. Logic and emotion. ARG. I am having a terrible time sleeping. June (my brother's wife) gave me some of her sleeping pills and they help me to at least not dream, or not to remember if I do.

I think that maybe I'm not showing enough faith when I have all of these doubts and questions and pain, then I think back to Jesus' words on the cross "Why have You forsaken me?" Since I'm made in His image, I guess it's ok if I'm feeling a little of the same thing. Again, it's that heart and head battle.

I'm really looking forward to the days when I can blog about trying to get out of a car, or singing karaoke with my young chicks. Hope you understand the gap in blogs, and those that will likely come. Mom's service is Saturday and we are heading home on Monday. Then, back to work and hopefully a small portion of normalcy in my life. Feels like I've been on a roller coaster ride, and I'm ready to PUKE!

Update on my Mom

We got my mom settled into a care facility here in Spokane yesterday. The process was exhausting (and yet I can't sleep). There was a fire at one of the facilities here in the valley and we had a heck of a time finding a bed. My cousin Sandy was a gift from above. He runs an assisted living facility and helped pull some strings to get her into a very nice place, unfortunately it's about 15 miles from the house. This could pose some problems for my dad, but we'll have to cross that bridge later. I don't have emotional strength to worry about that part just yet.

It was a very difficult day. She is very disoriented and talks mainly of going home. This is very hard on my dad. He knows this transition is best for her and for him, but bless his heart, even after all the terrible things she's said and done, he still loves her. We are working with Medicare and his private insurance to get the financial details taken care of as well. This is just another stress for my poor daddy. If she isn't improving, she will lose medicare coverage, and his private insurance doesn't kick in until 90 days. This could end up costing him a chunk of change, but I just don't see an option. I'd say 15K is worth a few more years of life for one or both of them don't you think?

I did get some affirmation from Mom & Dad's friends who see them on a regular basis. They said they had tried to talk to dad, and they knew when I got here "the SH** would hit the fan." They all thanked me for helping him make this difficult decision. That made me feel good. I'm going to make an analogy now, don't judge me, I know they are totally different, it's just an analogy. A few years back one of our dogs got really old and we had to make a similar hard decision (I know, my mom is not a dog, and we're not putting her down, just keep reading). When the day came I sat with her and pet her and just kept thinking maybe she has one more good day left. Maybe I was making this decision a little too hastily. Maybe I wasn't seeing things clearly. But then, she started coughing and had trouble catching her breath, and I knew it was the right thing to do for her. It's like that with this decision. I look at Mom and wonder if maybe she could have handled a facility with a little less care, then something happens that helps me realize this was the best choice at this time. Maybe if we'd all been a little stronger a little sooner a less drastic choice would have worked, but we weren't.

I know this is a long post, I needed a place to express my thoughts and feelings a little. You should try this blogging thing, it is very cathardic. I appreciate all of your support. It means the world to me. Maybe the next post will be something happier. We'll go to a soccer tournament and have more pleasant things to talk about.

Love to all!

Jodi

Gonna need a vacation from my vacation

Got to my folks and things were falling apart. My mom's short term memory is basically gone and she was overdosing on her meds because she didn't remember she was taking them. I did a little online research and sat here for two days and watched her abuse herself, and my dad did not have the strength to resist. So I stepped it. I called poison control and they told me she needed to be hospitalized. I called 911 and had them take her to the hospital. I didn't even really ask my dad, I just did it.

Once there they did some tests and it turns out a fall she took about 2 or 3 weeks ago has given her a compound fracture of one of her vertebra (sp?) no wonder her back hurt. She complains so much, no one really listens anymore. I have convinced my dad that she just can't come home. We have appointments with some nursing facilities in the next few days. I suppose if we don't get her out of the hospital and into the facility by Saturday, I will have to stay and make sure that transition happens.

She is one feisty old broad. I'm not sure whether it's her personality or the meds, but she is not a nice person to be around. I feel awful. She also has lost all sense of modesty. I can tell you, I've seen things this week I never wanted to see.

I wanted this week to be a reprieve from the stress and unhappiness at home, and this is what I got. Pray for me. =(

Need a Vacation!

I am heading out today to visit Mom and Dad. Will be good to get away from the day to day hassles of life, even if I am exchanging them to help other's with their own "hassles of life." One of Jake's friends has generously offered to watch the house and the dogs, so I don't have to worry about any of that (right Jake, no worries?)

I had a great time with the "young chicks" last Saturday. Sang a little "I Will Survive" for the one going through the breakup, and "Leaving on a Jet Plane" cause I like John Denver (I'm not ashamed!) I didn't get to hear the "Lovely Lady Lumps" like I'd hoped, but they did sing "I Like Big Butts!" which was a good substitute. I truly have no idea why these girls like to hang out with me. We go to lunch a couple times a week, and they hunt me down at work to chat. We really have nothing in common. I am a total prude compared with most of them, but they seem to have an unspoken respect for that prudishness. It's a phenomenon...?

I'll give you all the gory details of our trip when we get back, or if I get really bored at Mom & Dad's I'll post from there....

I think I'm alone now....

Just dropped Ken and the kids at the airport. They will go to Spokane tonight then drive early tomorrow to Wenatchee. I'm already lonely, but....

I have planned a "Jodi and the Young Chicks" evening. For some weird reason all the young ladies in my office like to hang out with me. They tell me things they think will shock me (sometimes they do, but I try not to let on.) I give them some motherly advice when needed (get rid of credit cards if you don't pay them off every month, or give the nice guy a chance.) So tonight, we are all going out to a Karaoke bar. Ken and I went with some people from his work last week and I had a blast, so this week, it's Jodi and the Young Chicks hitting the stage. I'll sing some Helen Reddy song from the 70's that they don't even know, then they will sing something about lovely lady bumps and we'll all have fun. I'm looking forward to it. I will probably end up driving the bunch of them home (better blind than drunk right???)

I'll head up to Spokane on Thursday. Looking forward to some time off to relax and just be with my "peeps" (funny sideline, I almost typed poops.)

Good news for Ken, he made his membership numbers! Problem is that only thing open is Long Island, NY and Oakland, NJ. I voted no. I'm going to be a little more selective this time and not just let him move me anywhere, although anywhere might just be better than here. Hard to say.

Looking forward to seeing all the fam.

It's Official

Another licensed driver in the state of California! Anyone wishing to contribute to the "Tuckers Have Two Teenagers on Their Insurance Fund" let us know.

Milestones

So Ken and I had our 22nd anniversary on Saturday. It is official, I have lived 1/2 my life with this guy. Does make me feel kind of old though. The Silver Anniversary just a few years away. I remember when my folks, and Ken's celebrated their 25th. I thought they were really old, now I feel bad that I thought that, sorry guys.

Another milestone, Megan goes to take her Driving Test for her license tomorrow morning. Ken and I hope she passes, but aren't positive of that result. I think we've both decided that even with the license, we won't let her drive alone quite yet. She just doesn't seem to get the "rules of the road." She also doesn't seem to understand where she's going most of the time. I think a GPS is in our future. She gets lost on the way home from church.

Ken and the kids leave for Wenatchee on Saturday. Not sure what I'm going to do all alone for a week here in .... you know where we live.... HELL. Ken is pretty sure he'll make his membership numbers by the end of June which will hopefully open some doors for us. Pam, I think it's time to hire the assassin for the exec in Spokane. Do you know a guy who knows a guy who can do the job? Just kidding..... ;-)

Looking forward to seeing the family in the next couple of weeks. It feels good to be with people who understand you, even if they know you're weird.

Answers

So, Ken (B) had some questions about the kids accomplishments, so I will elaborate. It's what I'm good at.

Michael started playing the trumpet last year and joined the intermediate band at Middle School this year. He seemed to make a lot of new friends who were into the music thing and he followed suit. Jake helps him (when he listens) with some fundamentals. He practices way more than Jake ever did at this stage. I think at this point it is an interest mainly because of the group of friends he has, but you never know, maybe some day we'll have two starving musicians in the family.

Jake is looking at music education as a major. He started out first semester with just some general requirements, but focused pretty heavily on music the second semester. At this point, I think he sees himself as a music teacher or possibly a music minister. I think his love for kids will move him more toward the teaching, but we'll see.

So, the job thing. I gave my manager a list of things I do (mostly so that he understood just how much I was doing for other managers in the building, and to help boost my case for the raise.) Friday I had a meeting with him and the controller. They had taken a red pen to most of my job duties. He said because of his position he wanted the best dedicated to him, and basically everyone else was on their own. No extra money, 1/2 my job gone, I screwed some people who I've been helping, and who I like. Basically, it probably was a bad move. But we'll all survive. I am fishing to see if there is something else, but the market is pretty slow right now. I am determined to work my 7 hours and go home. No more checking e-mails at home, running errands on my own time, and volunteering for extra work. I just do the three things (an exaggeration of course) on my list and refuse to do anything else. It'll be great fun!

That is "the rest of the story" so they say......

Tucker Kid Achievements

Good news all around for the Tucker kids this week.

Michael tried out for the Jazz Band at school and made it in. It is a little weird to me that he is getting into the music like Jake. Jake says Michael is even more of a band geek that he was at the same age. He is still playing soccer, but for now the main school activity is band.

Megan tried out for the advanced drama group at her school, and no surpirse there, made it in. She performed in Romeo and Juliet on Wednesday (Michael had a band concert the same day, so I was at band, but I heard she did marvelous!) She really enjoys the whole drama experience, and is making lots of friends.

Jake is still working here at HemoCue with me. Different departments are bringing him projects that he is pumping out. He is hopeful that this will last most of the summer anyway. He has a staff retreat for church this weekend (seems weird thinking of him as a staff member at church, but technically he is.) He is loving the youth work. He loves leading worship, and is looking into voice lessons.

With all of these accomplishments, it sounds like it's about time for a move! I told Ken all we needed to do now was to start Michael's braces and make sure they were fully paid for, then a move would be sure to come. So far....nothing. It could be that I will just have to get a higher dosage of the happy pills and stick it out here in Hell.

MEGAN TUCKER

We went to the award ceremony for Megan's Drama Class tonight. What fun! Megan won a medal for her starring role in "House on Mango Street." Then they awarded Best Actor and Best Actress awards for her class. Guess what.....she won! She was so surprised, but so cute at the same time. Sometimes being a parent is more fun than I can express. I'm so proud, I'll probably tell everyone at work tomorrow, the guy who serves us at our favorite Friday lunch spot, and maybe, the clerk at the grocery store! I'll post pictures soon. Look at Ken & Kris's blog for the link to the drama department pictures.

Did I tell you I was proud, you'd think I was standing on the stage with her..... =)

No News = Less Hours

So, apparently (had to use both of my favorite words) my little request has thrown the controller for a loop. So much so, that he just hasn't answered. Thus, I on have chosen on my own, to cut my hours back to the 7/day that I am scheduled to work. We'll see what happens when the GM gets back into town at the end of the month. No Raise, but self imposed hour restrictions. We'll see if I get my point across.

Nothing else new here. Same one thing, Ken works all of the time, Michael has soccer, Megan busy with Drama, Jake working and leading the youth. It's all about the same....yawn.

How to ask for a Raise, or not

So, I have been working crazy hours lately. Since the new General Manager started, my hours have gone from 7/day to about 8-9 (more on days when he is in the office.) Since this has been going on since January. I went in to talk about either ditching some of my work load, or getting paid for the hours I work (that exempt crap isn't all it's cracked up to be.)

I did a little math, looked up the median salary for my position in this area, and asked for a raise. $17,000. Think I'll get it? I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the controller gets a glimpse of that e-mail. =)

I'll keep you posted. Either I'm back to 7 hours a day, or we'll be able to pay for a tank of gas every now and again.

Update on the Ferrari, and the value of insurance

Ken got a call from the claims adjuster dealing with his little mishap with the Ferrari (see below). First he said, you don't need to worry, then the bone chilling "but." It seems that the damage to the little red Ferrari is more than $100,000 which is our property damage maximum on our auto insurance. Here's the good news... When Jake started driving our insurance agent told Ken a story about a family whose son was in a terrible accident that ended up killing someone. The whole family was devastated because the limit on the insurance didn't cover the liability, so they were sued, and lost everything they had. She told Ken, the answer to this dilemma is the "umbrella policy." It basically covers for major problems that exceed regular insurance coverage so that people, like us, don't get sued and lose their savings or their home. Ken always the diligent protector of our family decided this might be a good investment. I thought it was a waste of money. Don't tell him I was wrong.

Moral of the story, if you have kids driving, or live in So. Cal and might hit a Ferrari, look into getting that Umbrella Policy.

Tired of the same old style

Well, I guess I was. I went crazy today and got my hair cut, SHORT. It isn't exactly what I was looking for, but I guess I'll grow into it, or visa versa. I was looking for something like the lady in Law & Order SVU, and got something much shorter, closer to what I used to wear years ago. Megan said (in her best Danny from Idol voice) "Some people aint likin it." So encouraging.

Megan has been working hard all week on the school musical. Performances started on Weds and tonight is the last performance. Ken has been out of town, so we are going tonight. Hopefully get some good shots to add. She is really enjoying the drama thing, go figure.

Jake started working as a temp with me at HemoCue. I doubt it will last long, but will give him a little bit of office experience. He's been very helpful to me. I hate leaving the office with piles of work left undone, but I also hate working 10-12 hours days. Not sure which is worse. I'm hopeful things will slow down. I think I am part of the problem. I just need to take a step back and let other people handle things instead of trying to "do it all." We'll see how that works out. I tried letting someone else handle making the travel arrangements for our General Manager and he showed up here in town late on Tuesday night, no hotel room booked. He ended up staying at the Best Western, it's a bed, but it's not quite up to his standards. Maybe it will get better.

Wish I could say we had some exciting plans for the weekend, but no, nothing. Maybe I can talk Ken into taking me to the Casino for a few hours. I love a good game of blackjack! That should boost my spirits, if I win..... Maybe that's not a good plan either. What are all of you doing for the weekend? Share your fun stories so even though I don't actually have a life, maybe I can experience a little through you.